Losing Sight of my Mind
by Rabidus
Summary: FINISHED!!!!Relena slowly goes insane and as everyone else ignores it one friend watches saddened, but determined to help her. But will her friends attempts be in vain?. (An impotant note has been added)
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing or anything else copyrighted in this story please do not sue. Hello a bit fore warning though some mild but small OOC only on Noin's part though I've asked random friends of mine which story I should upload next and alas this was the victor. And for the journal entry remember it is a journal entry and I tried to make it have some grammar errors in it for a realistic approach because no one is _that _perfect in grammar not even a computer. 

Note: Between // is an event that is happening in the present time and not the time at which the journal was written.

_Italics _and ''is the thought of a character in the present time whilst words in italics are meant for emphasis. Losing sight of my mind 

                        By the Pretty Penwriter

//A young soldier walked along the deserted trail and then stumbled on something. She cursed but due to her curiosity she bent and picked up the obstacle, a small book no wait a journal the edges bent and marred. The once rich brown leather cover was now a faded yellow and in some places a burnt black. She opened the cover and was about to start reading but a noise interrupted her. Quickly pocketing the book she darted up a tree and waited for the noisemaker to pass and to her relief it was only a squirrel.

_ 'Funny'_ she thought _'I haven't seen one of those since I was a child.'_

She jumped down from her hiding place and smiled as the startled squirrel darted away into the underbrush. She decided to save the reading until she reached her barracks. She ran down past the old burnt out supply shed and past the vehicle storage bin she slowed her pace, when she came in front of the graveyard she looked in and spotted the large monument that stood in the center of it a angle one wing broken the other perfectly intact she bowed her head and then continued. Running down the trail and then to the barracks finally she arrived to the gray and dark building and sighed.

"Home sweet home." She muttered

This was home to her it had been since she was of age 15 and that was two years ago. Running down the hallway she managed to dodge everyone in her way.

"Hey Hitomi slow down."  Someone called after her.

She ignored him and burst into her room she discarded her gun and her satchel to the side on the floor then slid off her boots. As soon as she was done she flopped onto her bed and opened the old journal.//

I know that he may be my best friend but he was truly an insensitive asshole possibly the coldest man that I have ever met. But that's not to say that I don't love him oh on the contrary I love him so much sometimes it feels as if my heart will burst at any moment and not just from feeling love for him but an underlying anger towards him as well after all he was the reason for the whole world to change.

I suppose I should start at the beginning with maybe the year and my name the year is AC 200 yes five years after the eve wars and four after the Marimaea incident.  The two greatest mobile suit battles in all my generation but it won't be for the next sadly. These massive mobile suit battles brought about change for warring nations alike and the greatest fight the war between the earth and the colonies well it's laughable only a bit though to say that both wars were ended by a girl no more than the age of 16! 

Unbelievable that she had such strong ideals at such a young age she was also the princess of the Cinq Kingdom wait I do suppose that I am getting a bit ahead of myself let me introduce my self my name is Lucretzia Noin I am…well was the 2nd in charge of the preventer agency my colleague Une was head of the preventers I would guess you'd say I had a lot of stress and pressure correct?  Well that may be but compared to that girl my stress factors were only minimal to say the least she was in charge of the world at age 15 and had a haunting problem.  A problem by the name of Heero Yuy who appeared out of no where whenever he wasn't wanted and never appeared when he was it was always a recurring problem on her mind I could tell by the way she acted when he was around how her posture stiffened she began to sweat nervously.  I could have seriously harmed that fellow yes I could've and on many an occasion was so close to killing him but for her sake I wouldn't because I loved her.  Yes she was like the sister I had always wanted many a night we had slept over in each other's rooms holding a slumber party a bit childish yes, but not for me because I never did have a childhood and she sensed that although I was always to embarrassed to say such a thing out loud. 

A specific conversation stands out in my mind the most it was in her seventeenth year before she changed when she asked,

"Lu is there any man in your life right now that you love?"

A slight blush tinted my cheeks and I answered her dutifully "Yes." It came out like a squeak but she heard it.

"Who?" she asked I suppose she already knew by then because she held a specific type of gleam in her eyes.

"Your brother." I mumbled incoherently

"What!!" she shrieked at an intensely high decibel I even covered my ears I was surprised that she hadn't broken any glass.

"Sheesh keep it down." I muttered the last thing I wanted was for her brother to come bursting into her room with me only wearing a tank top and shorts and my nightmare was to be realized.

Sure enough there were footsteps as he burst into the room and there he was standing in all his 6'7 perfection his platinum blonde hair askew only slightly but on him it looked perfectly placed his sapphire orbs looking around the room attentive.  I was in so much wonder at his beauty that I stupidly forgot to breathe and began coughing she patted my back for me.  I looked into her own violet orbs and her honey blonde hair it was amazing how the two siblings seemed to have that look of perfection maybe that was why she kept drawing in that perfect soldier boy and maybe not too bad I didn't have _that_ look.  With my platinum black hair that always seemed a bit purple and my inky blue eyes that seemed violet my tall frame but not lanky build. I wasn't much of a looker and I think that I might have been a tad bit jealous if her and she being younger than I. 

"Relena what's wrong?" he asked worried

"Oh nothing Milliardo everything's fine and Lu is right her with me remember." She complained to her older brother.

I felt crushed he hadn't even noticed my presence in the room much less spare a glance at me my sadness was replaced by immense pride and anger.  I quickly stood placing my hands on my hips.

"What Zechs didn't think I could watch over her and to think I was the one who scored higher than you on the tests at the institute such a blockhead." I spouted angrily he hadn't thought, he never thinks first.

His eyes flickered to me and I saw a bit of an uneasiness rest in them as he saw what I was wearing when his eyes did linger a bit Relena rudely cleared her throat to break the tension he turned his attention back to her.  Thankfully giving me enough time to blush lightly then shake it off.  But not all of his attention was back on his sister mind you I think a great deal of it was on me.  I would've given anything to know what was running through his mind right then and there.  It was then that I did realize that maybe Milliardo had feelings for me as well that weren't platonic.

"Honestly brother you're so silly sometimes." Relena muttered shaking her head slowly

He only grinned 

"Goodnight Relena…goodnight Noin." He grinned as he turned around closing the door behind him.

Heart be still he had actually acknowledged me I felt like I would burst at any moment but felt content to sitting back down holding a silly grin on my face.

"And what are you so happy…" Relena stopped and trailed off then her voice changed getting deeper and crueler "oh I get it aren't you the lucky Noin you get a guy to like you by showing off some skin, slut." She said menacingly.

I looked at her shocked that shouldn't have been Relena it couldn't have been and when I turned to look at her she was sneering at me actually sneering this can't be happening.

She shook herself and there was the usual smiling and jovial Relena once again I shook my head it must've been a fluke right something wrong with the lighting. I hugged her tightly.

"Lu?" she asked quizzically 

"Nothing goodnight." I said and crawled underneath the covers of the spare bed.

"Okay see ya in the morn." Relena said winking and throwing off the light switch climbing into her own bed asleep.

If only then I had paid attention to the signs that my best friend was deteriorating right before me I didn't know what type of friend am I.  I don't think I can call myself her friend anymore I don't know if she would call herself a friend to even herself. Her life didn't seem to change drastically if ever it was like this go to meetings, sign policies, attend a function, have a speech and so on and so on. It never occurred to me that there was anything wrong with her she was in every aspect to those that admired her (yes even me) that she was beautiful and successful but what we didn't seem to see was that she was lonely and every bit as far from normal in her mind at least.  One moment she's nice and talkative the next silent it didn't seem strange.  I hadn't really thought about it much until on her 18th birthday I had taken it upon myself to organize a small celebration and that only consisted of her friends and family.  I even made it my personal endeavor to have a specific ex-gundam pilot there even if I had to chase him to the end of the universe.  But sadly there was an emergency problem on the Mars terraforming and Milliardo had to leave immediately he promised me that he would be home as soon as possible, but he wouldn't be in time for her birthday.  So the big night arrived and with all the candles lit and all the guest minus an absent brother I lured the unsuspecting girl to her home with an act as if nothing were different gossiping about the latest office romance to which she only replied with a nod or a shrug.  I looked at her worried and decided to carry the papers in her hand she snatched them out of my grasp and stuffed them in her briefcase so quickly I thought that they were never there.  I slid the house key into the lock and turned the knob opening the door at which she was surprised by a mob of her friends.  She screamed loudly and dropped her briefcase she darted to the stairs and ran up them quick as lightning I heard her door slam loudly.  Maybe she was a little bit off edge from the stress and hadn't taken kindly to the flash of light and the loud noises. I glanced at the shocked and startled faces of the crowd yes even Heero had a shocked expression then I was bombarded by questions from the long haired one with his brown hair plaited into a braid a Duo Maxwell and a young successful businessman with blonde hair and sea green eyes a Quatra Winner.

"Miss Noin what was all that about?" Quatra asked 

"I don't know remember she hasn't seen you all for a year and due to the stress of being vice foreign minister and all it was stupid of me to make it a surprise party totally stupid with the…" I trailed off slightly my lip quivered slightly then stopped and I set my mouth in a straight line like I had seen Relena do so many times.

"What were you about to say?" Asked Duo

I placed an expressionless face and answered "Nothing." I replied I suppose my voice was a bit cold and that may have started it all.  They began to question me like I was a criminal and they were good at it I almost felt sorry for them because I had been trained for events like this all my life.

"What's been going on with Relena?" Heero asked

"Maybe if you were around Heero then you'd know." I snapped at him he pissed me off trying to ask as a friend but he wasn't a friend to me right then.

"Please Miss Noin what is happening to Relena she never acted like that before." Quatra said pleading

"People change Quatra…besides she has a major event coming up I'd call it stress now if you'd all excuse me I must talk with my friend." I said and pushed my way through the crowd but before I could reach the stairs, Heero grabbed my arm tightly to prevent my movement not waiting for him to talk I simply grabbed his wrist gave it a slight twist and flicked it away then I ascended the steps it was a long walk let me tell you. 

I lightly tapped on her door a secret tap we made up together she didn't respond but only opened the door slowly and shook her head tears falling steadily.

"Noin I think I'm going crazy." She murmured weakly as if she were fighting something down maybe that voice I had heard many a night ago.

To Be Continued 

Many chapters to come don't worry okay and R&R the only way for this fic to get any better is if you guys review you know then you can criticize and chastise me all you want. 


	2. A party of sorts

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing or anything else copyrighted in this story please do not sue. Hello a bit for warning though some mild but small OOC only on Noin's part though I've asked random friends of mine which story I should upload next and alas this was the victor. And for the journal entry remember it is a journal entry and I tried to make it have some grammar errors in it for a realistic approach because no one is _that _perfect in grammar not even a computer. 

Note: Between // is an event that is happening in the present time and not the time at which the journal was written.

_Italics _and ''is the thought of a character in the present time whilst words in italics are meant for emphasis.

Thank you Jupiter's light, Silver Wing, Duke Cat, Dana, and last but NEVER least Ley!!! Thank you all so much for reviewing here's the next chapter I hope that it isn't boring…well the first chapter wasn't otherwise you wouldn't have reviewed. =) 

Chapter 2 

                        By the Pretty Penwriter

"Noin I think I'm going crazy." She murmured weakly as if she were fighting something down maybe that voice I had heard many a night ago. With those words spoken I became terrified yes terrified of her I don't know why that feeling of terror fell over me that night I just know that it did I can't explain it.

"What do you mean Relena?" I asked hoping it wasn't what I thought.

She pulled me into her room and closed the door so no ears could hear she let go of my arm and began pacing her room I suppose a habit that formed from seeing her brother pacing many a time. I sat there in the chair in front of her desk.

"Go get my brief case quickly please knowing them they're bound to go through it and there are some things I would like not to be seen." She said as she stopped and looked at me.

Nodding my head quickly I practically jumped down those stairs (it hurt like hell) and grabbed her briefcase from a surprised Duo and then I shot back up those stairs like a bat out of hell. I went into her room and closed the door and then handed her the briefcase. She in turn took it and dumped it upside down so the contents fell out a yellow legal pad fell out as well she handed it to me.

"Read all of it." She said as if this might explained something 

I began reading the paper which first started out as notes and so forth but then became a brutally clear conversation of two people one wanting to kill as many people as possible the other wanting destruction I was so sad and distraught these words were written by Relena but the handwriting was completely different from her own.

"At first it just started out as if I were in a dream I saw the actions a I did but I had no control over them none what so ever. Alone in my office I would watch my hand pick up a vase and fling it to the floor then a laugh that was nothing like my own rang out it terrified me to death Lu. I couldn't stop it or anything it was like I was buried deep below ice I was so cold and then as quickly as it had come it would leave and I would be yanked from under the ice into warmth. And I fear these little episodes are becoming longer as I feel my mind no longer in control of my body." Relena explained 

I was in shock to say the least I placed down the pad but I wasn't in too much shock to see that she was frightened, alone and was now crying. I ran to her and flung my arms around her embracing her as she cried into my shirt and clutched onto me tightly I didn't mind she was terrified and so was I. What was happening to my friend I did not know and that terrified me I think she was terrified of herself. That embrace seemed to not last long only a few minutes and when she finally did calm down she smiled.

"Thank you." She said 

I nodded at her and shrugged "I'm always here for you Relena you know that we're best friends forever right." I said 

She nodded in response with a smile.

"Do you think I should greet my guests?" Relena asked

"If you're up to it but you'll have to clean up your face a bit you've been crying and prepare yourself against the bombardment of questions."  I told her

She smirked then turned to the bathroom and began to wipe her face and splash her face with cold water when she came out it looked as if she hadn't been crying at all. 

"I'm ready." She said and smiled weakly.

"Hey if you want me to stop the questions just give me a sign and I'll be there in a snap." I promised and I meant it and not just for tonight.

She grinned and left the room I followed after her she stepped down the stairs and into the living room where they were all waiting patiently. When they did spot her they all sprang to their feet.

"Miss Relena are you okay?" Quatra asked

"Don't call me miss Quatra we're friends and I guess you all just gave me a fright I was so tired I didn't even recognize you all." She lied

I must admit she was a great liar and no one dared to doubt her.

"Have you been getting enough sleep?" Sally Po asked worried. 

"Oh yes just that a meeting to day nearly put me to sleep." Relena joked they laughed. 

She was handling this even better than I she was a natural I wondered did she do this before? 

Her eyes momentarily flickered to Heero I was surprise that her body posture didn't stiffen nor did she begin to sweat at all I think she had bigger issues on her mind and _about _her mind than Heero.

"So how is our birthday girl?" Duo asked.

"Very fine and healthy Duo and what about you?" she asked  

"Oh nothing different with me still in the scrap yard business." He replied as if it wasn't different

"That's good for you…Where are my presents." She said they all began to laugh 

"No seriously." She joked which began the laughter all over again 

I looked at Heero he was shocked that Relena had failed to greet him out if the group I smiled to myself serves him right he shouldn't have been so confidant in himself.

Duo handed Relena a small box.

"Oh it's from Maxwell must be cheap." Muttered Wufei 

And that started the always and never-ending bickering game between Wufei and Duo. To stop the argument Relena opened the present and pulled out a golden cross hanging from a string of gold.

"It's beautiful thank you Duo." She said hugging him.

"Anything for you Relena." He said with one of his usual grins.

The scene warmed my heart it was good to see them all again all happy again in a time of peace.

Quatra produced a box from behind his back and handed to her she began giggling like a schoolgirl happy at receiving so many gifts. She ripped off the wrapping paper and pulled open the box inside on a bed of red velvet laid a silver picture frame inside the picture frame was a group photo of every one tears began to stream down her face.

"Thank you." she whispered to Quatra 

I knew about the picture of course I volunteered for it Heero on the other hand was missing yet again the picture had to be taken to be edited by a specialist just to include him in the picture.

Quatra nodded next came Trowa who silently handed her a box the box had holes poked in it I knew what was inside probably an animal because of the holes maybe a puppy or a kitten. Relena slowly tilted the lid up to peek inside then opened it all the way as a puppy crawled into her lap it was a small Labrador retriever the prettiest I had ever seen with it's glossy pale golden coat and amber eyes it let out a small bark and licked her hand she in turn picked it up and hugged it petting it.

"Thank you Trowa." She said her eyes gleaming

"Hey don't think it was just him it's a gift from both of us." Catherine pointed out 

"Thank you too." Relena added with a small smile 

Sally handed Relena a small rectangular box Relena shook it sounded like rustling papers. She untied the bow and opened the box she looked at the five papers.

"An all expense paid trip to a resort free Spa and free room service." Relena read out loud she did need a vacation.

"Well I just thought that you needed a vacation I mean you're really busy…and I think I know four other people who would love to go with you if you're willing to take them." Sally said hinting that herself, me, Catherine and Hilde should go.

"I don't know I had some other people in mind." Relena joked

We all laughed I looked at Relena she looked and acted like normal like she used to act and it warmed my heart so. 

Wufei left the room then returned with a long rectangular box.

"What is it with you two you think alike maybe you two should hook up." Duo said out loud

Hilde and myself elbowed him that was a sensitive subject for both Sally and Wufei. Sally turned quickly to look out the window while Wufei narrowed his eyes dangerously at Duo with a slight blush.  Duo backed up waving his hands in surrender as Wufei passed Duo he mumbled something I'm sure he said "I'll get you yet Maxwell" or something even more dangerous. I shook my head at Duo he shouldn't have gone there.

Wufei laid the box on the table Relena was engrossed with the puppy she sadly put it down the little puppy sat obediently at her side not moving. Now that was a loving puppy it didn't even budge from Relena's side he never did. Relena pulled the box and placed it on her lap she opened it slowly and there was a fencing sword the handle made with gold and silver Relena's name was engraved on the handle.

"It's beautiful…how did _you _pick it out Wufei?" I asked crossing my arms I put on one of my famous smirks.

"Woman." He mumbled

"Pretentious man." I growled 

I had always been off sides with Wufei ever since our first battle in which he said women were weak and shouldn't battle but although we were not exactly close we were friends nonetheless.

Hilde walked around Wufei and myself who were involved in a glaring contest she produced box and handed it to Relena.

Relena opened the box and inside there was another box and inside that another smaller boxes.

"Hilde I don't think a box _is _a present." Duo remarked 

Being the nice person that I was I broke the glaring contest and yanked on Duo's braid hard enough for him to lose his balance and fall.  Hilde only glared at him and watched as Relena opened her gift she pulled out a charm that dangled from a silver string.

"It's a charm Relena it means safety and strength I hope you like it." Hilde said with a lopsided grin on her face 

Relena nodded and pulled it on "I'll wear it always promise." She said

Duo had climbed up from the floor "What about _my _gift?" Duo asked

"I'll tell you what you could do with it." I mumbled 

He turned to me to retort but I had already left the room to retrieve my present. I ran to the backyard and to the guesthouse Relena had been pestering about my gift to her and I had to hide it otherwise she'd find it. I climbed the steps and then to the crawlspace I pulled out the large gift the box which I had it in was so large it had to be carried with both hands. I went back to the house and stepped into the living room Relena was playing with the puppy quietly ignoring anyone and everyone in the room. She had slipped into one of her silent moods again I didn't like it because usually after those silent moods came the frightened one and then the hostile mood I quickly tried to brighten her up.

"Hey Relena don't tell me you forgot about me I'm hurt honestly I am and to think…" I made a great display of quivering my lip and watering my eyes 

She looked at me and began to laugh uncontrollably I smiled at her so glad that she was back to normal at least for the time being. I handed over the large box to her she placed it onto her lap.

"Wow that's big I mean did you put a car in there Noin?" Duo asked 

"Maybe I could fit your big mouth in there on second thought the box is too small." Wufei said

"Whoa no need to get cross Wufei."  Duo said 

"Okay both of you shut up and let Relena open _my _present in silence." I said loudly

As if it were a direct order they both shut their mouths.

Relena grinned as the wrapping paper went flying all over the place as she tore piece after piece off until she came to the box she lifted the lid and shrieked loudly I squeezed my eyes shut must she always shriek so loud.

She lifted her prize gift out of the box an old fashion acoustic guitar with a her name inscribed in gold on the handle and a plated silver pic she held the guitar and strummed the cords she smiled.

"Since you said you always wanted to learn guitar I figured you should start at the basics." I explained 

She smiled at me the warmest smile she ever did smile at anyone she strummed out the simple notes and then placed the guitar down in the box once again.

"I absolutely love this thank you all." Relena said close to tears.

"Oh we loved coming here…strike that _most _of us loved coming here." Duo said and for the umpteenth time that night he was once again elbowed. 

"Ah yes…Mr. Yuy you can leave." Relena said as she stood.

"At least you did show up." she said ice dripping off her every word

Alarms started sounding off in my head nothing good could come of this nothing at all. I was startled by this sudden change in attitude. I felt a tad bit scared of Relena that instant too scared to even approach her I think the others were scared as well because when she walked away everyone stepped out of her way except for the little puppy that ran after her.

To Be Continued 

I know exactly where I'm going with this story as you can tell that's why I'm just getting these chapters out so quickly well criticize and praise everyone I need it to improve on this story. 


	3. Terror and Ignorance

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing or anything else copyrighted in this story please do not sue. Hello a bit for warning though some mild but small OOC only on Noin's part though I've asked random friends of mine which story I should upload next and alas this was the victor. And for the journal entry remember it is a journal entry and I tried to make it have some grammar errors in it for a realistic approach because no one is _that _perfect in grammar not even a computer. 

Note: Between // is an event that is happening in the present time and not the time at which the journal was written.

_Italics _and ''is the thought of a character in the present time whilst words in italics are meant for emphasis. 

Thank you Jupiter's light, Silver Wing, Duke Cat, Dana, Clarissa and last but NEVER least Ley!!! Thank you all so much for reviewing. And yes I do agree that this story is really interesting but it won't be as weird as the next one I upload. See I'm already writing another story while keeping up with this one but don't worry I'll finish this story before I post the other one hehe ~_^

Chapter 3 

By the Pretty Penwriter

Alarms started sounding off in my head nothing good could come of this nothing at all. I was startled by this sudden change in attitude and I felt a tad bit scared of Relena that instant too scared to even approach her I think the others were scared as well because when she walked away everyone stepped out of her way except for the little puppy that ran after her.

//"Hitomi…Hitomi!!!" a woman with her brown hair in an artichoke hairstyle and cobalt eyes exclaimed. "Huh oh yeah what Faye?" she asked 

"You are such a airhead I was saying it's time for lunch are you coming or what?" Faye asked

Hitomi shook her head her black hair falling into her almost black eyes.

"Why Hitomi lunch is one of your favorite subjects." Faye joked

"No reason but if you could just bring me back a sandwich, chips and something to drink please." Hitomi replied

Faye stared at her friend in shock in total shock but nodded her head slowly.

_'I gotta tell mom about this'_ Faye thought but slowly turned and walked out of the room.

Hitomi smirked to herself _'this journal is just too captivating to think that this person knew Relena Peacecraft and my commander'_ she thought as she turned her attention back to the journal.//

Little did I know after that the real trouble would begin well not actually the real trouble that was yet to come it was more like an intermission stage a scary one at that. Two weeks later when her brother finally did return from Mars I decided that there was a need to tell Milliardo.  But I should ask Relena first the last thing I wanted was for her to become distant from me for her to be angry at me for asking someone to help her. I strode purposefully to her study and tapped on the door she opened it her face looking tired and exhausted but she smiled once she saw me. 

"Hi Lu." She greeted cheerfully

But I'm sure my face was anything but cheerful which made her smile quickly disappear. She stepped back and invited me in I nodded at her and stepped into the room. She closed the door then moved behind the desk and sat she gestured with her hand for me to sit in the chair across from her desk I sat and tentatively clasped my hands together.

"What is it Lucretzia?" she asked me by my full first name.

"Well Relena I wanted to come to you first and ask if I could tell your brother." I said I was amazed at how quickly I said it I mean I explained to quickly like that in a snap and no stuttering.

Relena looked down at her desk and then answered a very crisp "No." 

"But why?" I had to ask, damn my curiosity 

"Because he doesn't need to worry I've already hired a therapist Lucretzia no need to worry."  She explained 

I looked at her closer was she lying I couldn't tell she had become so good at lying and I didn't even notice.

"All right Relena I trust you." I said standing and turned to leave but as I reached the door I spoke again I don't know why something told me that she wasn't telling the truth.

"But you do know not getting help only worsens the problem." I said before she could respond though I slipped out of the room.

I ran down the hallway crying and I didn't know why I was crying and I couldn't see where I was going when I slammed into something that felt like a wall. I stumbled back a foot or too and I shook my head and muttered 

"Funny I didn't remember a wall being there."

"There never was." A deep melodious voice answered

I froze shocked with my bangs still obscuring my view I blushed and then looked up into his sapphire orbs they looked concerned he briefly touched my cheek with his hand gently wiping away my tears. My Tears! I had forgotten that I had been crying all this time.

"Noin what's wrong?" he asked softly

It was one of the rare moments in which he broke down his cold wall and showed warmth I had last heard that voice two years ago and now it brought me so much comfort I didn't care what I did.  I flung my arms around him and sobbed and amazingly he held me in his strong arms and kissed the top of my head I continued crying forgetting everything even forgetting that he was holding me. I only cried for Relena I didn't believe for a second that she called or hired a therapist she was lying to me of all people her best friend and the pain ripped through me like a hurricane. I only continued to cry and hold him until there were no tears left then I released him and apologized.

"I'm sorry Zechs." I said bowing he stopped me mid bow with his hand keeping it there on my shoulder

"Don't apologize Lucretzia there is no need." He said my name rolling off his tongue

I closed my eyes and shook my head

"Yes there is I just can't tell you." I sobbed and broke from his grasp running to unknown locations all I know is that I grabbed my keys from the hook and ran out the door I really needed to think.

I hear the gunfire has begun I might as well not sleep now that there is that racket but when was the last time that I have slept. All I see out the window now is dark and gloom it's still daytime when was the last time that I've seen the sun? 

Another memorable experience that I remember is that it was a month before we all decided to go to the Spa I think two months after her birthday Relena hadn't shown anymore signs of being insane, she even started to look better and was even more fun to be around. I decided one day to drop by her office and surprise her with lunch she needed the break. I stepped up to her office where her receptionist Jen interrupted me.

"Miss Noin I'm sorry Relena has asked that all meetings be postponed she has given me direct orders and has locked her door." She said her face set in a stubborn tone that matched her voice. 

"Oh but you see I was called directly from her office for this lunch that's why she gave me this key." I lied keeping a straight face and held up the bag.

She eyed me suspiciously but nodded anyway.  I stepped to the door and put the key in the lock chancing a side glance at her to see that she was engrossed in her work I smirked and turned the key in the lock and turned the knob. 

The room was empty at least seemed to be I heard breathing it didn't miss a beat but I heard no other sound I moved closer to the noise it was from underneath Relena's large desk.  And there was where the young girl was sitting holding a pin and pricking herself on her wrist little red pin marks were the only evidence and a few dribbles of blood seeped out of her smooth skin.  My first reaction was to scream as loudly as I could yes I had seen much worse on the battle field, but to see that she was doing this to herself and that it was Relena I began to panic so much that I did feel like screaming. I searched around for the first aid kit and found it.  Relena finally did look up and smiled

"Oh hello Lu how are you today?" she asked and continued pricking herself not even making a sound.

That terrified me even more she didn't even feel the pain of her actions I took the pin from her grasp and shook her she continued moving her arm as if she still held the pin. I lost control and smacked her she finally did look up at me startled.

"Huh…what happened?"  She asked she didn't even know

I steadily began work at applying antiseptic to the wound and then wrapping a gauze bandage around her wrist she looked at me with her eyes.  Her eyes were pleading for information about what on Earth she had been doing earlier.  

"Lucretzia tell me what I did." She said as I helped her up to her chair.

"Relena you were pricking yourself with that pin you didn't even make a sound." I told her my voice shaking and my lips quivering.

"What…oh no they've started again and this time even worse." Relena murmured

"Now can I tell your brother?" I asked

"Why haven't you told him yet?" Relena asked

"You told me not to remember and that you were seeing a therapist." I explained suddenly I had this sinking feeling in my gut.

She shook her head "No I don't remember that I don't remember a lot of things oh Lu what is happening to me?" she cried out

I embraced her and softly stroked her hair and waited for her to stop crying.

"I don't know Relena but whatever it is we'll face this together and with your brother's help." I murmured softly. 

I felt her head nod up and down and then she stopped sobbing and began hiccupping a little bit we couldn't help but laugh, isn't it strange how when your scared anything is funny.

She pulled back from the embrace and smiled at me.

"I will try as best I can." She promised and then hiccupped 

I nodded to her solemnly. 

"I'll tell Milliardo when we get home and I'll need to tell Sally." I said and stood.

"Why her?" Relena asked

"She may have some books and so forth or know a doctor that can help you Relena either way you're getting help no matter what." I promised I walked around her desk and lifted up the bag.

"I brought you lunch my friend." I said lightheartedly maybe we could forget our troubles for a while and enjoy our lunch in peace and quiet. 

Relena didn't say anything only made a grab for the bag and tore into it grabbing as much food out as possible I shook my head and giggled slightly at my friend she did have her ways of making light of any situation. 

By the time I left her office the sun was setting I looked at my watch I was in there for over three hours.  Relena's receptionist Jen looked at me suspiciously as if saying I-Don't-Know-What-You're-Up-To-But-I'll-Find-Out I gave her one of my lopsided grins she let out a huff of air and turned her head sharply to the left ignoring my presence from that moment on. Milliardo was bound to be home by now I sighed as a thought crossed my mind for about the thousandth time that it was his home not our home that I wasn't in _his _bed snuggled up close to his warm body and to feel his touch.  I shook my head those weren't the right thoughts to be thinking at a time like this Relena needed help and we'd need his help.  

Finally I arrived home it seemed like hours but was only a few minutes I closed the door to my car and slowly began climbing up the steps to his room I gently tapped on the door waiting for an answer finally I heard his deep voice say,

"Come in."  

I frowned and felt like crying how was _I _going to tell _him _that his sister was going insane? Pushing open the door I stepped in and there he was sitting at his computer his preventer jacket and shirt thrown aside onto the bed and he was now only wearing a white muscle shirt and his preventer pants. I think that I was actually drooling when he stood and walked to me and I could see his finely toned and tanned muscles.

"Yes Noin?" he asked an eyebrow raised

"M–Milliardo I have something to tell you sit down." I couldn't believe it I only stuttered once

He became panicked "Is there something wrong with Relena?" he asked nervously 

"Yes and no now sit." I ordered softly pointing to a chair.

I don't think he heard me because he slowly drifted over to the bed and sat there the one place I didn't want him to sit.

I cleared my throat hoping that might clear my head a bit. 

"Milliardo I know you haven't noticed this but Relena has been acting a tad bit strange she's talkative one moment then completely silent the next, overjoyed and then angry and then silent and then frightened. And she confessed to me on her eighteenth birthday that she thinks that she is going insane. She wanted me to tell you this because I think she was afraid too we need to help her." I pleaded

He looked at me shocked then shook his head "It must be stress I bet right after your vacation she'll be right as rain." He excused  

I looked at him I'm sure shock was written all over my face because he said,

"Don't look at me like that she'll be okay after you all take that vacation believe me it's what she needs." He said

"But––" I started he placed a finger on my lips to silence me then he ushered me out of his room and closed the door.

I felt like bashing him over the head with a rock how could he be so stupid? I shook my head sadly Milliardo was one of those people that ignored the truth. 

//'_Man this is like one big soap opera except it's real. I can't believe these things actually happened maybe I should show this journal to my commander' _Hitomi thought_ 'no I'll finish this whole journal first and maybe I'll show it to mama and papa first I wonder what their reaction will be.'_

Hitomi giggled at the thought of her normally calm father choking from shock and her mother trying to revive him by waving a fan in his face. She shook her head smiling then looked to the desk Faye had already returned with her food. She picked up the sandwich and ate while she continued reading it was a day later in the journal Lucretzia must've fallen asleep.//   

I guess I drifted off I wonder how maybe I'm used to the sound of gunfire by now that is definitely not a good sign I shall continue in my hopes that if somehow I am not able to express these words that maybe someone will be my voice.

Sally was now informed of the situation and was worried that maybe we shouldn't go on this trip maybe Relena needed a psychiatrist immediately and not later. I only told her to calm down that maybe all this relaxation would help Relena in some way help her to cope with her pain and loss. Her reply was just a snort and her crossing her arms I swear she looked just like Wufei. They both needed to stop being so stubborn and hook up already they were already too much alike maybe someday soon they would but not yet. I couldn't imagine what their child may act like probably the most stubborn person on Earth. Anyway I'm losing track those memories were just so rich and happy for me that I can't help but go back. I wish I could turn back the hands of time and stop this from the beginning. 

To Be Continued 

Heh well I hope you like it criticize me people I NEED it.


	4. The Start Of A Vacation

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing or anything else copyrighted in this fic. 

Very mild OOC don't worry.

Thank you Jupiter's light, Silver Wing, Duke Cat, Dana, Clarissa, Crazy Gurl,  me( ) and last but NEVER least Ley!!! Uhh no I didn't review my own fic that was an anonymous reader. Okay umm what to say about this chapter?? Nothing for once I have noting to say are ya surprised huh are ya? Oh some immature jokes on Hilde's part… I  don't think that'll be OOC for her but anyway I put up the warning. ENJOY!!!

Chapter 4 

By the Pretty Penwriter

I wish I could turn back the hands of time and stop this from the beginning. 

The beginning of the trip was mayhem, first off I remember waking up that morning late thanks to my crappy alarm clock. I picked it up and flung it against the wall maybe that was why it was a crappy alarm clock? Kicking up my comforter I jumped off my bed and ran through to my bathroom taking a quick shower and then dressing quickly. The first time I placed my shoes on the wrong feet and then the second time I realized that each neither shoe corresponded with the other one. I let out a loud cry of frustration it was annoying when I wake up late. My hair was all screwy looking and since I didn't have enough time to put in my usual bangs I had to settle with combing and brushing my hair until it hung freely and neatly.  I slipped the black hair band to hold it in place and then grabbed my duffle bag and ran downstairs I knew that I wasn't dressed as I always dress but that didn't give them any cause to stare at me like they did.  I hopped down the stairs and appeared in front of Relena, Sally, Hilde, Catherine, Duo, Milliardo and Trowa each of them held a look of surprise.

"What!" I exclaimed as I looked from surprised face to surprised face.

"What you're wearing." Sally offered

I looked down at my ensemble a black mini skirt and a deep red halter top my hair looking completely different and I was wearing my brand new pair of black sandals.

"Come on people stop acting surprised!" I exclaimed

"It's just that you never wear things like that." Milliardo remarked

"Yeah well just because _you_ don't see me in it doesn't mean I don't wear it besides aren't we suppose to be on our way to a Spa!" I exclaimed once again they were really making me nervous. 

"Uh sorry Lu didn't mean to make you upset." Relena apologized

"It's not your fault eh Duo pick your mouth up off the floor." I replied to Relena while launching a joke at Duo.

Duo rolled his eyes "You wish." He mumbled

"I wish you two would just stop." Hilde said rolling her eyes.

"I wish we could get going already I can't wait for that massage." Catherine said a huge smile on her face.

"So in other words you can't wait for strong muscled man to have his hands all over you?" Hilde asked a smile alit her face.

I watched as Catherine's face first turned from a rosy pink to crimson red her eyes wide.

"I––Um–––Ew Hilde you have a sick mind." She finally stuttered out.

Hilde jerked her thumb in Duo's direction 

"It comes from knowing him so long." She joked a smile lighting her eyes.

"Hey!" Duo protested 

"Calm down was just a joke Duo babbbyyyyy." She prolonged the word Baby he only shook his head and smiled.

"Come on boys chop chop take our bags to the car." I said clapping my hands together at each 'chop'.

"I'm not carrying all those bags by myself that's suicide." Trowa joked

I laughed at that it was the first type of joke that I heard from Trowa.

I sighed and picked up my own two bags both carry on luggage.

Milliardo picked up Relena's luggage and one of Hilde's 

"Hey no fair!!!" I shouted 

Relena and Hilde shrugged both smirking.

"Yeah think you're so high and mighty do ya I don't see either of you with a driver's license or at consenting drinking age." I said with my own superior smile.

"Just three more years, just three more years." Both girls chanted

"Until what?" Milliardo asked

"Until we can have an orgy." Hilde cracked

Duo began to laugh uncontrollably along with myself; Relena and Hilde, Catherine, Sally and even Trowa had even managed to crack a grin.

Milliardo paled immensely.

"Oh you're such a baby do you need your baba?" I asked in a childish tone

That only began the laughter once again and Milliardo regained some color back once again he shook his head.

"Kids today…" he muttered

"What do ya mean kids are ya getting on in your years have you've gone over the hill?" Relena asked

Milliardo sighed but smiled in his own embarrassment. We all carried our luggage out to the awaiting SUV and loaded it either into the trunk or onto the top rack it seemed to me that everyone had either two suitcases or more reasonable enough. The drive to the shuttle port was a boring one it seemed to be endless lasting for years, instead of just an hour. We sat in the waiting room of the shuttle port most of us reading a book except for Catherine who decided to bring her Walkman. When it was finally time for us to board Relena hugged Milliardo goodbye and I sighed to myself…I wanted to hug Milliardo but he didn't respond well to emotions from anyone except family. Trowa and Catherine hugged and she teased him about his hairstyle for about the hundredth time they acted so much like siblings it was scary. I glanced at Sally she had better get that research done before Catherine's birthday so we could actually see if they were siblings. I knew that when I looked at Hilde and Duo they'd probably be kissing but I was shocked to see them just staring at each other so much love held in their eyes, love that seemed it would never end. Duo gently caressed her face with his hand and smiled, then whispered something into her ear. I don't know what it was but it made Hilde suddenly glow with joy. I realized then that Hilde was no longer that lost little girl she had been when she joined OZ but now she had a home and it was with Duo. It was at that moment that I envied the two for I believed that Milliardo may never look at me like that I turned to the gate away from all their faces and let a single tear slide down my cheek and then I wiped it away. I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned to look up at Milliardo's sapphire eyes and I was panicked all that ran through my mind was dear God did he see me cry, but I was surprised when he pulled me into a hug. I seriously I think that at that moment I had a miniature heart attack but I hugged him back. After the hug ended I scrunched my eyebrows together and looked at him questioning, then he leaned down near my ear and whispered,

"We'll talk when you get back I have to tell you something…Lucretzia."

Then he pulled back and smirked secretly I felt my heart beat five times the normal rate but I managed to not blush, he turned away and walked back over to stand next to Trowa. The others were already getting ready to board as I was just standing there lost in my own stupor I felt Relena grabbed my arm and drag me onto to the shuttle while Sally grabbed Hilde and dragged her onto the shuttle. When we had finally boarded onto the private shuttle and they had already taken off so we could take off our seatbelts I was surrounded by my four friends.

"Okay spill Lu what was _that _all about?" Relena asked smiling

I played dumb "What was what about?" I asked

"You know Lu we saw Milliardo hug you, and how he whispered in your ear now spill!" Sally demanded

"That's private." I said 

"Oh so now it's private and what was that look on your face all about?" Hilde asked

I turned my head away from them and blushed

"Oh she's blushing, it must've been good come on Lu we're all friends here." Catherine begged

"We know you love the guy." Relena said.

"RELENA!" I shouted and then winced sinking down in my seat. 

"Oh so you love him why don't you tell him?" Sally asked

"I don't know why don't _you_ tell Wufei?" I snapped I hated when people tried to invade in on my private life.

"Stop avoiding, why don't you tell him!" Sally demanded.

There was a long moment of silence and I could tell they were about to ask me another question, but I couldn't think of an answer that wouldn't make me begin to cry once again. My mind was swirling already with so many thoughts of what may happen and what he wanted to talk about with me and my emotions were tearing me apart.

"You all wouldn't understand." I whispered and then turned to the window as the tears spilled out of my eyes.

// "I can't believe that they all used to act like this it's just unthinkable they're so, well carefree." Hitomi said to herself.

"Who is?" A deep male voice asked.

Hitomi's lips curved into a pleasurable smile, "You know my father would kill you if he knew you were here." She purred.

"Oh but he's not here, right now it's just you and me." He responded.

Hitomi grinned and turned on the bed so she was facing him and there by her door he stood with his dark brown hair and violet eyes. 

"Tristin are we being bad today?" she asked with half lidded eyes.

He only smirked and closed the door he moved towards her, she smiled and stood.

"Where have you been for two days?" 

"We had to go on a wilderness training with the new recruits, remember." He told her.

"I know but that still doesn't mean that I didn't miss you." She said as she threw her arms around his neck and pulled him down for a kiss. His hands moved along her back and to her hair then down again he pulled back briefly.

"Ah but what exactly were you doing before I came in here usually you can hear a person approaching your room from a mile away." 

She rolled her eyes "That's an exaggeration Tristin, maybe half a mile." She responded. 

"Really what were you doing?" he asked.

"I was reading this book well actually a journal really and it's very interesting."

"Hn, can I read some of it?" he asked

"Oh dear me son of the infamous Duo Maxwell wants to READ?" she joked.

"Stop making fun of my father I'm not making fun of yours." He muttered and then pouted.

"Awww poor baby." She whispered and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

"I'd love to continue this love but I have a briefing in oh say 2 minutes ago." He said.

"You're already late why go?" she asked as she pulled him closer.

"Because, Une will chop off my head and grind it into dog food if I don't show up to another briefing." He whispered.

"Fine, but you better be back soon." She said and kissed him. 

When the kiss ended she released him and he smirked at her.

"Don't worry love I'll be back as soon as possible." He promised before he disappeared out of her room closing the door behind him.

Hitomi sighed and then jumped back onto the bed to continue reading the journal.// 

A whole week of the vacation had passed rather smoothly if I do say so myself. No not quite smoothly excellently it was a complete blast minus the first day when driving to resort from the shuttle port their taxi had gotten a flat tire and skidded off of the road. During the event while everyone was screaming or shouting, through the blurring colors I could see Relena and she was smiling, it wasn't just any usual smile it was wicked and seemed as if she were evil and enjoyed our terror. But it seemed as if I were the only one who had seen it everyone else was busy being terrified of the accident. I frowned and instantly became worried and spooked I'm sure the others noticed me acting strangely maybe that was why the first week went so smoothly. But at that vacation after the first week we all learned just how sick Relena was and we'd never be the same again, for that was the vacation that she had tried to kill me as well as herself…

TBC

Don't you just HATE me?????? NO the next chapter is NOT the last one silly I have a few more. This story isn't gonna be as long as my others but not as short either and I do need criticism and yes I know this chapter seemed a bit shorter -_- But I'll make up for it in the next chapter ~_^ CRITICISM AND PRAISE PLEASE!!!


	5. Blood and Glass

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing or anything else copyrighted in this fic. Warning: drama, angst and romance (bleh) 

Thank you Kmf, Jupiter's light, Silver Wing, Duke Cat, Dana, Clarissa, Crazy Gurl, Kuroi Koneko,  me( ) and last but NEVER least Ley!!! Uhh no I didn't review my own fic that was an anonymous reader. Um I'm pretty satisfied with this chapter you don't know how many revisions I made over this chapter first it sounded wrong and then the events didn't link together…I guess that's why you revise right? I hope you all enjoy this story!! (I had nothing to say again…maybe I'm coming down with something?) 

Chapter 5 

By the Pretty Penwriter

But at that vacation after the first week we all learned just how sick Relena was and we'd never be the same again, for that was the vacation that she had tried to kill me as well as herself…

A week in the vacation everyone was very well situated in the hotel the sun was setting when everyone decided to sit around the fireplace with hot cups of cocoa. Catherine and I were out on the terrace over looking the view of the roaming hills and mountains. 

"Catherine…" I said starting the conversation.

"Hmm?" she answered

"I'm not supposed to say anything until your birthday next week but do you remember about when you told me about what happened to your family?" I asked of course she remembered but I had to ask in the first place.

"How could I forget?" Catherine stated rather than asked.

I knew she may have been on the brink of tears which meant that this is a super sensitive subject for her because hardly anything made her cry.

I took a deep breath and put my hand on her shoulder.

"Catherine…when Trowa had his amnesia for a while and then he regained it, memories of the war weren't the only thing that he remembered. He told me about his dreams of being held by a young girl and being carried in a wagon, and when you told me about the story of your family I remembered him saying that so I had Sally do some research. It was supposed to be your birthday present but I don't think you should be held from this, she just received the info today it was faxed to her here…so here." I explained and handed a sheet of paper to Catherine.

I watched her read the paper her eyes widening.

"Does this mean…." She trailed off.

"Yes Catherine Trowa is your biological brother." I finished for her.

She burst out in tears and hugged me.

"Thank you Lu thank you so much you don't know how much this means to me, it's not a birthday gift it's a life gift." Catherine cried.

I hugged her back "We're best friends right so this is what you deserve, Catherine you've been through so much you need joy in your life." I replied.

The hug ended and Catherine smiled at me and nodded "You're right we are best friends Lu…but I still thank you."

"It was no problem Catherine." I smiled back at her a light out of the corner caught my eyes.

"Hey Catherine look it's a shooting star make a wish!" I said and sniffled.

Catherine turned to the shooting star and asked,

"Why? I have my best friends and my brother Triton what else do I need?" Catherine asked.

I smiled but closed my eyes and made a wish anyway wishing for happiness for more years to come. 

After I opened my eyes I shrugged,

"It's a habit Catherine I always make a wish even if it's just for happiness…come on the others may have wondered who pushed whom." I said and we went into the house. 

We walked back into the living room and I nodded to Sally who only smiled.

"So we've got a fire going when it's 75˚'s outside?" I asked and stirred the logs with the poker.

"Yup and we're drinking hot cocoa." Hilde said stressing her point by holding her mug in the air.

Everyone laughed, everyone laughed that is except for Relena who was sitting in the darkest corner.

"Well it's almost midnight if you guys wanna get that mud bath we'd better be going to bed now." Sally mentioned looking at her watch and stretching.

"Yeah." I said as I went over to close the screen to the fireplace when Relena stood.

It was like she was moving in the speed of light because I definitely wasn't expecting the blow she dealt me. First punching me in the ribs HARD and then alternating from beating onto my back to punching me in the ribs. My eyes widened when I realized she was trying to push me over to the fireplace where the flames could engulf me. I don't even think I made a sound through her whole assault on me I didn't know what had happened but suddenly I felt the pressure of her blows alleviate and then disappear. I opened my eyes and looked Sally and Catherine were holding Relena back while Hilde was shouting at her.

"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU RELENA!!" **smack** I heard the crisp sound ring out and then Relena fell limp like a rag doll in Sally's and Catherine's arms.

I stumbled over to the chair and sat Hilde then moved over to me.

"Oh my God Lu are you okay?" she asked

Of course I wasn't okay it hurt to breathe and just move period.

"I…think…she…may…have…broken…some…ribs." I gasped out griping onto the armrest.

"Lucretzia…he'll have to believe you now there's no way he can deny it." Sally said after she and Catherine laid Relena on the couch.

"What the hell are you two talking about?" Catherine asked on the edge of going hysterical.

I looked at Sally pleadingly I couldn't talk without gasping for air.

"I think we should talk about this later, after I wrap Lu's ribs and check for further injuries." Sally said

"NO! I want to know _now._" Catherine said and stood defiantly her hands on her hips.

Sally released a sigh and looked to me.

"Go ahead." I said finally able to get my breathing under control.

"Relena isn't right, in the head I mean it's like well to put it frankly the girl is going nuts. And since it is the law that you cannot commit yourself unless you are 21 that your parent or guardian must commit you. Lu has tried to reason with Milliardo and I have tried to hire Relena a psychologist, it's not working because she's not showing up to the appointments and…"

"Milliardo is a thickheaded jackass." I finished for her.

She raised an eyebrow in my direction but decided to save the question for later.

"That's all we have at the current moment." Sally said

I bit my lip and spoke up, "Not quite Sally, there's something that I didn't tell you."

They each looked at me questioningly; I began to take a deep breath but stopped because of the pain.

"I didn't tell you about the episode in the office, I'd come in to Relena's office with lunch for her and myself only to find her under the desk and she was…" I stopped and clenched my eyes shut to stop the tears but it wasn't working.

"She was pricking herself with a needle over and over again soundlessly, she showed no signs of pain at all. I was so scared that I almost screamed but I found the first aid and bandaged it up." I finished

"Oh my lord…" Hilde murmured

"Why didn't you tell Milliardo about that?" Catherine.

I stood up quickly "Do you think he'd believe me, do you think he'd believe what happened here?!" I shouted I wasn't angry at Catherine at all but with the pain I was feeling not just physical, and having all these feelings bottled up just made me explode.

They all looked down at the floor and thought about that whilst I fell back down in the chair. 

// Hitomi covered her mouth with her hand and gasped. She felt sorry for Relena but of course she knew what had happened to Relena her mother had told her great tales about Relena when she was littler but not tales like this, never like this. Hitomi sighed and looked at the clock on the wall she had been reading for about an hour and a half she shrugged a couple of hours left until lights out she could finish the journal by then. She returned to reading the journal.//

We decided that after a week we'd go home so I can regain some movement without pain and to observe Relena and her behaviors. After she had waken up though she apologized to me more times than one can count but the strange thing was that I didn't chide away from her, instead I became closer to her. After that day it was rare for her to be out of my sight or somewhere I couldn't reach her. When finally the day arrived for us to go home, there were no regrets of leaving everyone seemed to be fretful about something me the most. I actually think that Sally was planning on telling Wufei about how she felt and I was glad, now it was time for me to deal with my love crisis and see what Milliardo had to say. 

I tried as hard as possible to not seem as if I were in pain and it worked quite well, until I had to walk around that is. I closed my eyes while stepping out of the limousine so Milliardo couldn't see my pain pinched face. Relena quickly got out behind me and threw an arm around my shoulder hugging me lightly partly helping me walk.  I smiled although I was actually grimacing pulling up the corners of my mouth just a tad bit. She helped me walk up the steps and began laughing about something I didn't say too keep up the appearance that I was okay.

Milliardo greeted Relena with a hug and a brief hello while he lightly took me by the arm and lead me into the house. I turned to look back at Relena I knew my eyes were wide and afraid but she didn't seem to be looking at me, more like right through me.

Milliardo lead me into the tearoom, the sunlight streamed through the large French doors and bay window. I walked slowly over to a plush, overstuffed chair and sat down, I turned and looked at him expectantly. 

He smiled down at me from where he was standing but he didn't sit, instead stood behind me gently resting his hands on my shoulders, half of me was screaming out in pain while the other was scared out of my mind. This was one of the most intimate times we had ever shared with each other. 

"Lucretzia…" he murmured 

I was hoping at that moment that he couldn't feel the pleasurable shivers that were crawling up and down my back.

I took a moment to find my voice.

"Hmm Milliardo…since we are using first names, what is it that you needed to speak with me about?"

Good God I sounded so cold, but didn't I have every right to be?

He sighed "Lucretzia I want to tell you something that I've been afraid to tell you for years now." 

"Go ahead Milliardo." I said

"Lucretzia I love you, and I realized it when you ran to me crying do you know how much that pained me to see you in tears? It felt worse than any pain I've ever felt before." He explained and then he knelt in front of me and looked up into my eyes.

"I said that I love you." He repeated

The tears coursed down my cheeks and I closed my eyes.

"I'm glad you realized that Milliardo I mean I've loved you since forever and you never noticed it…I've been afraid of telling you though because I do not want to ruin what we have." I admitted the tears were just coursing down my cheeks now and I couldn't stop them.

He did something then that unlocked the gate to the remaining tears I had left he kissed me. 

// "Romance." Hitomi said not to favorably. 

'_duh it's not like a fiction novel Hits it's a tale of someone's life you just can't edit that stuff out' _she criticized herself

She shrugged _'but she does want me to be her voice, but for what I'm sure it's nothing about this romance crap' _Hitomi thought and then frowned. She continued reading the journal to find out what she was to speak about.//

Days after that I seemed to be walking on air and Sally seemed to be walking on air right next to me it seemed that she told Wufei and things were going along great for the two so far. I was in such a good mood that I briefly forgot about Relena I didn't remember until she called me into the office. But it wasn't me alone Sally, Hilde and Catherine were there as well. I glanced at them nervously but they shrugged they didn't know what was up either. There was about half an hour of silence minus the whispering until Relena spoke.

"Well ladies I called you all in here so we could talk, I needed something to be my excuse from meetings." She said with a hint of humor.

There were a few laughs but not from me I still had those broken ribs you know I managed to crack a smile.

The conversation was mainly about music, television shows our lives just basically anything except the biggest problem we all had Relena. Everyone was talking rather adamantly about their present events that most of us did not notice Relena's silence, when we were surprised by the buzzing sound signaling the receptionist.

"Ms. Peacecraft Lady Une is here to see you."

"Send her in." Relena replied hitting the button.

We all sat for a moment shrugged and began talking once again, Relena was still silent though never saying a word and when Lady Une finally did stride into the room Relena tilted her head to the side and smiled. My eyes widened in terror I knew that smile it was the same smile I had seen when the taxi was spinning.

"Hi Une!" Relena called out cheerfully she then stood and turned to the French doors that lead out to the balcony. She walked to the doors and then walked straight through the doors as if they weren't even there. There was a shattering of glass and a thud of her body hitting the ground. I was the first one to reach her, there was blood and glass everywhere.

"Relena!" I called to her but she did not reply…

TBC

Phew I'm finished with that chapter can't you just imagine the smile on my face? Please people CRITICISM ACCEPTED EVERYWHERE!!!! ~_^ Review, criticize, praise, whatever. Flaming is useless because it doesn't change a thing. ~_^


	6. An Unexpected Reaction

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing or anything else copyrighted in this fic. Warning: drama and angst 

Thank you Kmf, Jupiter's light, Silver Wing, Duke Cat, Dana, Clarissa, Crazy Gurl, Kuroi Koneko,  me( ) and last but NEVER least Ley!!! Uhh no I didn't review my own fic that was an anonymous reader. Um what to say nothing I guess I hope you all like this story although this chapter may be a tear jerker to some…and may not it depends on how you look at it. Enjoy!

Chapter 6 

By the Pretty Penwriter

"Relena!" I called to her but she did not reply…

I don't know who called the ambulance and I did not care, I didn't even feel my legs move as a walked with the stretcher holding her hand. I don't even know what my reply was when the attendant asked me a question or the ride to the hospital for that matter. What I do remember was that after we arrived to the hospital 5 security guards had to drag me away from Relena when she was strolled into the operating room. I numbly found a seat and sat my eyes staring at the linoleum floor in a daze, I knew on my shirt there was blood from being scratched by the glass. I couldn't feel anything when the nurse began to tap on my shoulder I looked up at the blonde haired and blue eyed nurse and broke down into tears she looked so much like Relena except she was healthy looking and sane. I buried my head into my hands and cried I felt a pair of arms encircle me, no more than one pair three. I looked up to the tearful faces of 3 of my best friends and began crying all over again. After all of us had no tears left to cry I sniffled and asked,

"Did anyone call Milliardo?"

Hilde nodded "I did, I basically called everyone that I knew and could be trusted."

There was a moment of silence actually there were a lot of moments of silence.

"Did you call Heero?" I asked out of the blue.

"No…but I called Duo I'm sure he'll call Heero, I don't think Heero is what Relena needs." Hilde confessed

Another odd moment of silence until a loud noise of people intruded on their silence. A troupe of six men that all the women knew were hassling the receptionist because she wasn't telling them anything.

Sally sighed and stalked over to the men and talked to them and then pointed to me.

I looked up and locked eyes with Milliardo then turned my eyes to the ground apparently I didn't cry myself out; I still had plenty of tears left to shed.

// Hitomi gasped and closed her eyes her mother had never told her such stories of Relena…obviously she had removed them from her mind, it didn't seem a subject a mother would discuss with her child. She shook her head and sighed,

"Lu what do you want me to speak about??" she asked to herself to so she thought.

"Who's Lu?" A thick voice asked

Hitomi released an annoyed sigh and turned to the tall blonde man in her doorway.

"What do you want Will." She growled 

"Why so angry?" he asked his deep blue eyes laughing.

"Well for one thing you tried to break Tristin and I up with that twisted scheme of yours and for that I will always be angry with you."

"I was only doing it for your own well being I'm sure your father would rather have me as a son-in-law instead of that miscreant lower class Maxwell." He answered

"For one my father respects honor that is what you have none of, two I don't give a damn who my father says I can or cannot marry, three I'm not even thinking about getting married and four you're nothing but a stuck up, spoiled, small minded brat! I would never love you or even try to! Who the hell do you think you are to call the man that I love that and if he's lower class than so am I and I'll revel in it!" Hitomi snarled and got to her feet. 

"Who am I?! I am the son of the great Quatre Winner how dare you speak to me like that!"

"I'll speak to you any damn well way I please I cannot believe you're Quatre's kid I've never believed it and Dorothy would never raise a child such as you! Your sister has more decency than you do. And we're not in your fathers house Will we're at a camp training to go into a war…so if you want to have a hate against Tristin or me fine but just remember we'll be the ones who are covering your ass on the battle field." 

Will glared at Hitomi with pure hate for a moment and then blinked.

"I'm so sorry Hitomi but why are you staying with that…disgusting pile of filth?" he asked

"Hey Will do you know how I got my nickname?" she asked and narrowed her eyes.

He gulped and backed slowly out of the room.

"Call him that again and you'll feel the wrath of the dragon!" she threatened and then slammed her door.

Hitomi punched the pillow on her bed and breathed in a few deep breaths to calm herself down, then plopped down on her bed and continued reading the journal.//

A week Relena had been in the hospital, a week Heero had been by her side. I made my visits, as I should either getting to visit her with my preventer badge or saying I was family. I didn't care what I did just so I could see her I would sit on the other side of the bed across from Heero. I would hold her hand and wipe a few strands of misplaced hair aside, no she hadn't waken up yet and was being fed by a tube. Seeing all these wires always made me cry, seeing how pale and sickly she looked always made me cry even more. I just couldn't bring myself to believe that this was the same Relena who I had come to know as my friend and as well a sister. This time I visited I knew it would be different though because I was on a mission to get from Heero what Relena always wanted to know…if he loved her or not.

"Heero?" I asked out of the blue.

The noise must have startled him because he jumped slightly if it weren't for the situation we were in I'd probably laugh. He looked at me his eyes held surprise as well as questions. I could see now how many a time Relena lost herself in those large purssian orbs; they were always so serious and shielding yet at the same time pleading for some help. Those eyes that always-locked away emotion weren't locked now though they were showing his true feelings…Heero Yuy was scared.

Reaching over with my other hand I placed it on top of his.

"Heero. If you're here you must care for her right?" I asked

"I am here­­––"he stopped like he had said something wrong and then shook his head slowly. When he looked back up and into my eyes I almost gasped to see that he was almost crying.

"Of course I care for her…she brought warmth into my life when there was nothing but cold, light when there was nothing but darkness and love when I had nothing but hate. And what did I do?? I ignored her for it why…I don't know why I ignored her maybe I thought this feeling that I have for her would diminish in time but it only grew stronger." He explained to me.

I was near speechless at his words he stood up knocking his chair back and began pacing.

"I wasn't there for her when she needed me to be or wanted me to be, but she was always there for me. How could I be such an asshole to Relena…how could I…how…" he broke down into tears right then and covered his face with his hands.

Now all those words Heero had just said were more words than he had said in an entire year, being the person that I was I stood and hugged Heero. He buried his head into my shoulder and cried like a lost little boy and I cried with him. We soon stopped crying, he wiped his tears on the sleeve of his shirt and smiled at me.

"Thank you N––Lucretzia." He said and went back to his chair. He pulled it back up next to Relena and resumed holding her hand. I resumed my post sitting in my chair holding onto Relena's hand when her eyes fluttered open.

I know what I expected, I expected a hug and tears of joy from Relena and maybe even a wise crack or two but that was not what I received. She snatched both her hands out of our grasp and crossed her arms glaring at the two of us. I don't know how but in that split second Relena was sinister.

"What do you two want?" she hissed.

"Relena…" Heero murmured

"What!" she barked with hate in that one word.

She began yanking the wires out of her arms and tried to get out of the bed.

"Relena stop it." I ordered as I held her down to the bed by her shoulders.

"Let go of me bitch!" she growled and then punched me in my only weak spot, my ribs.

I cried out in pain but did not let go of her.

"Heero go get some help don't just stand there!" I shouted at him.

He shook himself and ran out the hallway.

"Relena come on now stop acting like this where is the Relena that I knew?" I said softly

"Ha! That Relena is long gone now it's just me and the other left no more old Relena!" the voice hissed as she continued to assault me now using her legs kicking me in the ribs, every blow I felt I could feel my strength giving out even more.

"Come on now Relena don't act this way!" I ordered I could feel a dribble of blood slide past my lips, and I could hear the footsteps.

She ignored me now; she just concentrated on shouting obscenities at me and kicking.

"Relena I just want to help you, to get you help now please Relena calm down." I pleaded

She stopped kicking and narrowed her eyes, I was about to sigh in relief when she pulled both legs back and kicked me I flew off of her and down to the floor. She tried to get out of bed but now Heero had finally arrived with reinforcements, Heero had a set of handcuffs in his hands and shackled one of her arms to the railing of the hospital bed while Wufei handcuffed the other to the bed. 

I smiled slowly and then fell into the darkness of unconsciousness.  

I don't know when I woke up, but I did see plenty of familiar faces in my room, which was nicely, decorated with maybe 100 vases of flowers of every kind and teddy bears galore. I licked my dry lips and tried to speak but found my throat was too dry, Sally handed me a glass of water I gulped it down ravenously.

"Where's Relena?" I asked after I finished my cup of water.

They all looked down at the floor but I persisted.

"Where's Relena?" I asked once again.

"Two days ago Milliardo committed Relena into a mental health asylum." Wufei answered 

I could always trust Wufei to tell me the truth no matter what.

I slowly nodded my head.

"You've been out for 5 days, you've suffered internal bleeding, 4 cracked ribs and a slight concussion from when you landed on the floor." Sally answered a question she knew I was going to ask.

"Did she break 2 new ribs?" I asked

"When did you have your ribs last broken and how?" Milliardo asked solemnly

I turned to him than shook my head "Why? You wouldn't believe me." I curtly answered him.

There was silence for a while after that until I spoke up again,

"By the way who put all these flowers in here I feel like I'm about to die from all the fumes." I said trying to lift the dark mood that had descended us all.

Quatre grinned sheepishly.

"I did Miss. Noin well actually we all did." He answered

"All right this ends right here and now Quatre if you call me Miss. Noin one more time I'm gonna shave you bald!" I exclaimed

"Heh…Alright Lucretzia have it your way." He answered

"That Miss stuff makes me feel so old." 

Hilde sidled up to me.

"But you _are _old." She pointed out.

"That's it where's my gun!" I exclaimed

They all laughed lightly well that is except Milliardo and of course myself.

By being a pain in the ass at the hospital I managed to leave a week earlier than supposed to and arrived back to the Peacecraft manor. I rolled into the house in my wheelchair it would have to be used for the next month or so until my ribs could heal a bit and rolled around the house. Until I came to Milliardo's study, I knocked lightly hopping that maybe he wasn't there but he was he opened the door slowly and invited me in.

"Yes Lucretzia?" he asked.

"Milliardo at the ski lodge Relena tried to kill me and a few weeks before that on the same day that I told you Relena needed help she was poking herself with a pin over and over again." I said getting straight to the point.

His eyes narrowed "Why didn't you tell me?" he growled

"Don't you think I tried but now I was ushered out of your room like some lost cattle and then I just gave up at trying to tell you because you weren't listening. You wouldn't have believed me if I told you your sweet and innocent sister was going insane NO! You wouldn't have because you would've tried as best as you can to ignore it."

"No I wouldn't have." He defended 

"Yes you would have you've always have Milliardo! When the Cinq Kingdom fell you hid yes that was a smart move I agree but then when you became powerful enough and gained it back from the alliance you ignored the throne and went to fight somewhere else. You instead handed the throne to Relena because you claimed about killing too many people that was bull you just wanted to ignore your responsibilities. When Libra was going down you faked your death in order to avoid the responsibility of helping Relena manage the kingdom, after the Marimaea incident you left without saying hello or goodbye to your sister you ignored the responsibility of accepting love from anyone." I finished I could tell I was near tears at admitting these things to him but it had to be done.

"Get out." He murmured and when I didn't move he shouted,

"GET OUT OF MY HOUSE AND DON'T COME BACK!" 

I complied and needless to say that ended our relationship as lovers and as friends…

TBC

OMG I'm so mean to Noin…and so cruel to her and Relena but it's a drama. Criticize people and praise if you think this story deserves it ~_^ 


	7. Depression And Self Hatred

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing or anything else copyrighted in this fic. Warning: drama and angst 

Thank you Kmf, Jupiter's light, Silver Wing, Dark Deity, Shi No Tenshi, Neo Sailor Jupiter Duke Cat, Dana, Clarissa, Crazy Gurl, Kuroi Koneko,  me( ) and last but NEVER least Ley!!! Uhh no I didn't review my own fic that was an anonymous reader. 

Chapter 7 

By the Pretty Penwriter

I complied and needless to say that ended our relationship as lovers and as friends…

I must leave this old shack soon the gunfire seems closer now _too _close for my comfort. There's nothing in this shack that is worth saving except the clothes that I have, my food supply, my locket and of course this journal. Oh how the war has changed so many things, I remember when I didn't have to scrounge for food and shelter to survive. How I used to be surrounded by my friends, my family. But now things are different I'm surrounded by nothing but darkness and death, this war is killing too many people. In a way I am glad not to still be with Milliardo I suppose by now we'd probably be married and maybe have a child and I'm glad I won't have to bring a child into this shattered and broken world. A world where there is no hope or faith but only betrayal and loss. 

I could look out the window right now and see the battleground from here, that's how bad it is in every corner of the earth there is fighting near every colony there is fighting. It is no longer a time of peace as it should be, no now is a time of war and with war there is always death…

After being kicked out of Milliardo's household I decided to go to my dear friend Quatre, his estate was still in Cinq kingdom and not too far away from the preventers. He picked me up at the gate and hugged me telling me he was sorry for what had happened between Milliardo and I, I only shrugged and told him that it wasn't his fault. Living in Quatre's house almost felt like I was home again, he always managed to make me smile and I realized that Duo wasn't the only comic out of the five gundam pilots. We'd play a game of chess and once in a while he would let me win just to see me smile, he even taught me how to play the violin. Imagine me Lucretzia Noin playing the violin and he said I was quite well at it maybe from all those years at the academy. But still staying at Quatre's house didn't make me forget about Relena or feel better about it; of course I was saddened about the break up with Milliardo and added with the problem of Relena I was crushed. There were my down days and my up days, my down days were when I got so depressed that I stayed in bed the whole day the covers pulled over my head and I would just cry. My up days were that I would get out of bed and actually do something, soon my ribs healed and I could no longer excuse my down days as pain. Now Quatre did everything he could do just to get me out of my bed to walk around, but nothing worked. I would just lie in the bed and cry myself to sleep. Once it had gotten so bad that I locked and barricaded my door so no one could come in to disturb me, that door stayed closed for three days I had no food and no water, of course I still had the bathroom that came with my room. It had taken all of the gundam pilots plus the added help of my best friends to open that door and when they had my best friends dragged me into the bathroom. Hilde turned on the faucets and placed the stopper in the drain, I watched with dead eyes and a heavy heart I didn't feel alive I just felt so dead. They threw me into the water and I only sat there staring at a blank spot in the tub.

"Come on Lu...you can't do this." Sally begged.

I didn't respond I just kept staring blankly and I don't know why but suddenly I felt very angry and sad at the same time, I thrashed the water about angrily.

"LEAVE ME ALONE!" I screamed at them.

"Lu you're much stronger than this come on…snap out of this." Hilde coaxed

"YOU THINK YOU KNOW ME YOU DON'T KNOW SHIT! GET THE FUCK OUT NOW!" I screamed even louder.

They didn't move only chance glances at each other. I jumped out of the water and stood water dripping from my soaked clothes. My eyes were lit like fire and my back arched ready for a fight, I lunged at the first person I saw who just so happened to be Sally. She tried to dodge me but my anger was pushing me forward blindly, blow after blow I threw some she evaded and some she didn't. I kept pushing her towards the door away from me. I'm sure she was only protecting herself from me but she did it badly, Hilde and Catherine tried to stop me but I only elbowed both of them in their faces and kept up my assault. I kept up at it until strong arms were holding me back.

"GET OFF OF ME WHY CAN'T YOU PEOPLE JUST LEAVE ME ALONE?" I screamed again the tears trekking down my face.

"Because we are your friends." I heard Quatre say.

"If you were my friends you'd leave me be." I murmured as more tears made the journey down my face. 

// Hitomi closed her eyes and for a brief moment she could feel Lucretzia's pain almost as if it were her own.

'I'm so sorry that this happened to you Lucretzia it must've been so hard for you to live like that.' 

Hitomi shook her head and looked to the picture sitting on her nightstand. The photograph was one that had been taken just right after her parents wedding and there at least by the description given was Lucretzia. She was smiling but her eyes were so sad and wandering like she couldn't wait to escape something. While on the opposite side of the group was her commander he seemed shriveled and sad. Something she didn't see him as today no today he looked strong and proud, but lonely. Hitomi believed that when someone wanted to be alone they should be but no one should ever be lonely without love in their life and that was what her commander had a lonely life.

Hitomi turned her gaze from the photograph back to the journal and began reading once again.//

They brought food to my room and tried to get me to eat it but I ended up throwing it out of my room and to the floor. But they were persistent they would always have another plate of food. I hadn't eaten for two whole weeks when I looked at myself in the mirror. My face was drawn in tight and pale, my eyes a little sunken in, my hair looked so stringy and untamed and my whole body seemed to be as pale as milk. I stared back at my reflection and touched the mirror to confirm it was real, it was and that was I. That pale food deprived thing in that mirror was me!! I couldn't believe it so I rushed into the bathroom and weighed myself on the scale; I now weighed 101 pounds!!! 101 pounds was not a healthy weight for someone who was 6 feet tall. I immediately knew that it was true and I hated myself for destroying my body like this, I turned on the tub added all the bubble bath beads, threw off my clothes and jumped in. I stayed there soaking in the water for over an hour and a half when I finally did come out. I dressed in a pair of jeans and a long sleeved shirt I didn't want them to see how thin I was, I took the comb and ran it through my hair until my hair was nice and straight again. I pulled it into a haphazard bun and looked in the mirror and I was beginning to look like my old self a again except that my eyes had lost their certain sparkle, a sparkle that wouldn't be returning for a while. 

I stealthily made it down stairs and into the kitchen where I made two sandwiches, gabbed a bag of chips, grabbed a 20 oz soda out of the fridge then I went into the living room and plopped down onto the large sofa. I flipped the T.V on and set down to watch a few movies and cartoons. 

By the time Quatre and the others arrived back at the house I suppose trying to coax Milliardo to talk to me I was halfway through a third movie laughing my butt off. When I turned around to look at them I laughed even more when I saw their faces. They still stood there speechless I shrugged and resumed watching the movie. Wufei was the first to act, you can always count on Wufei can't you. He switched off the T.V. and I nearly choked on the popcorn in my mouth.

"HEY! Turn that back on." I ordered.

He sighed and sat down in a chair the others followed suit and looked at me. I knew what they wanted to know but why not make them give an effort.

"Lu…why did you decide to come out of your room?" Catherine asked

"I'd thought you'd all be happy I was actually down here eating something." I mumbled and crossed my arms.

Tactical dodging I called it whenever I tried to avoid giving a straight answer.

"We are glad you came out of you're room Lucretzia but why did you suddenly have this turn about?" Quatre asked

"You know curiosity killed the cat." I sighed and looked down at my trembling hands I tried to get them to stop but they kept shaking.

"I'm a complete mess, you want to know why I came out of my room? Well I'll tell you I looked in the mirror and I hated myself yes that's why. I hated myself for what I had done to my body and what I was doing to my mind by just lying there it was like I was just wasting away and pretty soon there'd be none of me left. So I decided to stop what I was doing to myself and try to get back up, you know when you fall off of a horse you just get back on it. You know the fact that Relena isn't here that she's in a nuthouse and then I lost the man that I love…it's just like I've lost a piece of myself and decided to shut down and that's what I have been doing until earlier today I looked in a mirror and I was ashamed of myself. For deteriorating from the once great Lucretzia Noin that I was to this some type of weakling and I couldn't stand it! I will try to not go back to that it's not easy but I do love a challenge." I explained I'm sure it was personal but these were all my closest friends that I trusted with my life. 

Wufei gave a small smirk "Well I'm sure that we'll just have to make sure that you won't be a weakling onna." He replied

I gave him a smile and nodded "Oh Wufei you know I'm never weak." I replied.

Hugs were given to me and tears were shed, it was a night to remember indeed. Quatre with his large kitchen threw a party consisting of just friends…or how I like to call them my family. When the party ended no one wanted to leave and so no one did Quatre had plenty of rooms for everyone and change. I didn't want the same room anymore and I didn't feel like being away from my friends so Sally, Hilde, Catherine and I bunked together in one of the largest rooms having a sort of sleepover. We were just having fun giggling and talking but I noticed the one who was missing the one that everyone noticed Relena. I was the most silent of all the chattering and they all noticed it, I stared into a distant space wondering how Relena was doing. When suddenly a giant white thing came into my sights and slammed into me.

"Look Lu we all miss her so don't think you're special." Hilde scolded me after she hit me with the pillow.

True we were all best friends all almost like sisters but they didn't know about my past, about my family that I watched die. I clenched my eyes shut and the silent tears fell I hated all the crying that I was doing I was always told that it doesn't solve anything, but it did make me feel better.

"I'm sorry." Hilde apologized as if her comment made me cry I shook my head violently.

"No it's not that I was thinking about my family." I murmured 

Suddenly everything became so silent. Sally touched my shoulder giving me confidence.

"Lu you never have told us about your family…" Sally said and then stopped

"No, you're all like family to me and I suppose that you should know. I'm a colony kid, I was born and raised on colony L7 until the alliance had my family assassinated. I watched them die beneath my parents' bed where my father had told me to go, I didn't understand what was happening at the time for I was only 4. They shot my father in the head executioner style, raped and then shot my mother as well and they killed my brother Leon he was only 8 years old for god sake! I watched as they dragged the bodies out of the house and when I stayed under that bed for several hours I finally looked outside, I wished that I never did though. They had hung my family up on crucifixes their eyes gone. I understood then that the alliance was to be destroyed and that I couldn't go to any of my relatives because either they had disappeared or were assassinated as well. I took only one thing from that house and that was my locket." I said and held up the silver heart shaped locket with a seal over the front, the seal was a lion and a tiger fighting but on the other side the two lay together as friends. I knew inside the locket there was a picture of my family and me  "I changed my name and became a sweeper until I was 8 when I enrolled in the alliance I figured the best way to gain my revenge was to have some type of power. Later on when my skills exceeded those of my older peers I was invited to join the Special Forces and when I learned they were against the alliance I readily agreed to being apart of OZ and helped destroy the bastards that stole my family." I finished 

They each stared at me for a brief second and then encircled me into a hug. 

A month or so after living with Quatre I noticed how whenever Dorothy Catalonia appeared on the screen how he'd sigh. Now I knew this was the woman who had stabbed Quatre aboard Libra but I also saw such longing in his eyes whenever he heard or saw her. So one day I asked,

"Why don't you just ask her out?"

He looked at me started and blushed lightly "Whoever do you mean?" he asked nonchalantly

"Don't play innocent with me, I know you like her! So why don't you just ask her out?" I asked

"Lu I have no idea…" he started

"Dorothy!" I almost screamed at him.

Now he turned a brilliant shade of red "I…I…"

"I know you're not allowed to tell a lie so just ask the woman out Quatre…imagine an ex gundam pilot scared of asking someone out." I said poking his arm with my finger.

"Fine! I'll do it." He said his blush lowered to a pale pink.

I smiled as I watched him walked down to his office while I moved over to the vase right outside his door I feigned innocent and organized the vase that stood on the end table outside his office. When I heard the vid phone ring shrilly I almost knocked over the crystal vase but caught it and replaced it onto the end table. I listened as I heard a familiar voice…it was Milliardo! I listened as discreetly as I could.

"She's coming back?" Quatre asked in disbelief

"Yes the doctors are going to release Relena for good behavior." Milliardo confirmed.

I gasped and stepped back. The crystal vase fell and smashed into a million pieces like an omen of bad things to come.

TBC

Wow longer than normal *_* that's so sad about Noin's past I know, but on the show or in any of the mangas I've read they don't really give her a past and so here's one for her I thought that it may fit her character. Uh I was gonna have this up yesterday but FF.net was acting funky and I remembered the last time it was acting like that, it didn't upload any of my stories.  -_- So what do ya think like it??? CRITICIZE and praise please. 


	8. A Ghost Of Once Was

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing or anything else copyrighted in this fic. Warning: drama and angst 

Thank you Kmf, Jupiter's light, Silver Wing, Dark Deity, Shi No Tenshi, Neo Sailor Jupiter Duke Cat, Dana, Clarissa, Crazy Gurl, Kuroi Koneko,  me( ) and last but NEVER least Ley!!! Uhh no I didn't review my own fic that was an anonymous reader. 

Chapter 8 

By the Pretty Penwriter

I gasped and stepped back. The crystal vase fell and smashed into a million pieces like an omen of bad things to come.

I've changed "housing" by now…this place seems to be worse than the shack and the smell is that of rotting flesh. But I can handle it what's the second choice going up top to fight in an untamed war and risk being killed? Although I do wonder if death would be better compared to this living hell, my past is catching up with me after every page in this journal I write. It seems the more I write the more I remember what I've tried so hard to forget, things that no one should live through at all but, I have lived them and I can't change it.  I wonder that if I ended it all would it end my pain and suffering or just bring about a new one? Would my soul remain on this earth or go to hell…I do not know much about religion but I do remember hearing that if you kill yourself you'd go to hell. But what if you were doing it for the greater good of yourself to be rid of you painful past, present and ever-looming future. Yesterday on the floors of this old and long deserted underground fall out shelter I found a bible, I know not of what religion. On the inside of the cover there was information given about the bible it seemed that it had belonged to a little girl and I wonder did she leave it here when they were rushing to leave? Or did she lose faith in the God that was spoken of in this bible and discard it? I've flipped through the bible and read a verse or two seemingly they gave me a bit of hope that the war would end soon, maybe I should go back to reading it later on so I do not become so depressed that I kill myself. I must live on so that I may speak about what had happened those few years ago. But if I believe that I will survive and pull through so much why am I writing this journal?

I was stunned beyond belief how could someone that was so hostile to others and herself be released in only three months?! If our mental health department let Relena leave in three months I'm scared of all the nutcases that were out already. 

Relena was coming back to _her _home today. We stared intently at the door when the doorknob turned and so I stood in the main entranceway along with most of her friends our best appearances on and smiling brightly. She entered the house smaller and a lot paler than she used to be her eyes held no gleam of any sort and her mouth was pulled into a fake smile. 

"Hello everyone so nice to see you all again." She greeted formally and curtsied.

She was greeting us as acquaintances and not as friends! Tears stung my eyes and I was determine not to cry, although I would've fit right in with a lot of people in the group who were crying. My determination held strong and I did not cry I don't even think that my eyes were watery. Relena walked up to me and lowered her head like a child who had been caught eating a cookie before dinner.

"Miss. Noin I am sorry for attacking you while I was not myself." She apologized and hugged me stiffly

YOU STILL AREN'T YOUR SELF! I screamed in my mind but I hugged her back warmly. She began to release her hug and I released mine. She turned back to her brother without a smile without a mischievous glint in her eye it was as if she were dead inside. I could not hold in my anguish any longer I turned and fled down the hallway and out the back door.  

I don't know where my destination was really all I know is that I ran and ran until my legs could no longer carry me. I ended up in the far reaches of the Peacecraft estate where there was a small lake. Tears sprang to my eyes as I collapsed to the ground at the edge of the lake so much had changed. The person in that house wasn't Relena only an imitation of the loving Relena I had once known. She wasn't Relena my tears splashed and melded with the water of the lake, the moonlight gave the lake an eerie glow. Almost as if I were in a different world and right then and there I wish I were not only in a different world but a different dimension. After crying for a few hours I dragged myself back to the house and fell into the first chair that I saw. I heard a few noises to my left but the strength left me to turn and see who it was. They moved towards me not cautious like, more like shuffling finally the mysterious person came into my sights it was Heero. Only it wasn't Heero his eyes were red and puffy his hair wilder then usual he sought out the couch and slumped into it.

"Rough day." He stated

"Yeah." I mumbled 

It was then that I could feel the bonds of our friendship tighten as if this terrible situation was bringing everyone closer together, well everyone except the two siblings. I could barely even move but I turned my head so that I was looking him in the eyes.

"I don't think Relena's ever coming home." I said with a heavy heart, my voice so depressed.

"Yes, I think Relena's on a faraway journey never to return." He murmured back.

I'm sure if he hadn't cried himself out already that tears would have been falling from his eyes but it seemed as if he were too tired both mentally and physically to. 

A few more footsteps we heard and the rest of our group made it to the living room falling into any seat that was available a heavy silence befell us all. We knew that Relena was never to return and it killed a piece of us that night. 

//Tears fell from Hitomi's eyes as she read the depressing little journal and a thought struck her _where is Lucretzia now? _She asked herself. If she had found this journal does that mean Lucretzia is dead, or did she leave it behind. These questions may never be answered to her though for she did not know where to start looking. She did know who to start asking though and she was afraid, she was afraid that it might bring to much grief to her parents and to her uncles and aunts. How was she ever going to say what Lucretzia wanted to say? When she'd have to face her largest fear of hurting those that she dearly loved, was it possible for her?//

I don't know how I ever made it through that week without having a nervous breakdown, but I knew that I had to live on and not just stop everything in my life. Meetings came and went as well as assignments until one day I heard the call come in through the radio in the command room. They needed a preventer team and an ambulance to report to the Peacecraft manor ASAP. I forgot my duties then I flew out of my office like a bat out of hell and ran to my car, I heard people calling my name but I ignored them and continued. I jumped into my car and placed the siren on my rooftop then sped to the Peacecraft manor. I made it there without crashing in record time and jumped out of the car and ran up the stairs through the front door. I followed the line of officers to Relena's office door and turned the knob.

I knew that when I looked in that it wasn't going to be something minor at all. This was going to be something big, something that needed a body bag and a coroner. I steadied my breathing out of the corner of my eye I saw Milliardo but I wasn't in any state of mind to talk to him. I slowly stepped toward Relena's desk where behind it there was a white sheet over a form in her chair. My shaky hand reached out and touched the starched fabric; I pulled it up only to reveal the cold smiling face of Relena Peacecraft. Immediately I fell to the ground and cried in my hands I didn't care who saw me this was my best friend my family and now she was dead. It felt as if someone had taken an axe and chopped into my soul until it was split into two. I felt a hand on my shoulder, I knew it was Milliardo but his touch chilled me because he carried no love for me whatsoever. I shrugged him off; I stood up and ran out of the house, the house that I once used to call home. 

A week after her death a funeral was planned I knew thousands of people would come and cry and that a steel fence would hold them back. I hated them all why were they crying they didn't know Relena at all they only saw her as a political figure not as a friend, not as a sister. I would show whoever offered their condolences a cold shoulder they didn't care next month they'd all forget about it because there'd be a new person in Relena's position. I was given the duty of what dress they should make Relena wear. I wondered why because in death there was nothing you could enjoy. I not only picked out her favorite dress but I went through her room and looked in our notes center. Now our notes center was like a secret mailbox that only the two of us knew about I expected nothing to be in there but a letter was addressed to me. I nimbly took it out unfolded it and read;

            To my Dearest Lu,

By the time you or anyone else reads this I know that I will be gone. There are now more voices and I cannot control them any longer. I fear that by not doing anything against it that it'll kill me sooner or later. So why not sooner rather than later? Oh Lucretzia I love you and the others but this is something that I must do, I know that this is killing you and I'm sorry for it but it must be done. If it is not done than I am afraid that the world will be ruined because of me. With my body I have written a suicide not so that there will not be a war about someone killing me. I know how can I write so calmly about killing myself, to be honest I am already dead inside Lu. You all noticed it when I arrived back I was dead inside so why not kill the voices as well I only have momentary control over my body for a few minutes and then the others come. I'm sorry I know that it won't mean much but I am. I have always seen you as my older sister not only as a friend, I will be watching over you Lucretzia always. Don't be sad for wherever I am, I am happy.

                                                                                                Your sister forever,

                                                                                                            Relena Peacecraft.

What suicide note?? I asked myself but I already knew the answer…Milliardo had destroyed it. Now if Milliardo had ever acted stupid in his life it was when he destroyed that letter because he did that the war began. The war between the Earth and the Colonies, the colonies accused the Earth for the death of Relena whilst the Earth accused the Colonies. It at first began as an on going bickering during the bickering of the two forces Sally and Wufei were married imagine that the two getting married while only being romantically involved for a few months! When the time came for the wedding photos to be taken I stood on the opposite end of the group from Milliardo for I didn't think I could trust him any longer. Only a month after the wedding Duo and Hilde were wed but a week after their happiness the real war began, the colony L7 fired the first shot. The Preventer agency was disbanded and forced to join the war, I refused to participate in a war that could be stopped and tried to tell the world but they all refused to listen to me Lucretzia Noin a nobody.

//Hitomi gasped '_this whole war isn't even necessary not at all!!! All the deaths were caused by him I cannot believe it, I must get in contact with mother and father at once and demand an important meeting of my uncles and aunts as well. If I have them all with me I am sure I can get in touch with the commander and give Lucretzia my voice, the voice that will set her free of this turmoil and a voice I hope that will end this war'. _Hitomi thought as she closed the journal and got up from her bed and over to her vid-phone she dialed the number to her parents. She knew there it would probably be close to 6am but her parents would be up. An older looking Sally Chang answered the phone smiling brightly and smiling even more when she saw it was Hitomi her daughter.

"Hey Hits what's up?" she asked cheerfully.

"Who is that is that Hitomi?" Hitomi heard her fathers' gruff voice asked.

"It's Hitomi oh lemme talk!" Hitomi heard her 12-year-old brother Jeremy squealed

"Now Jeremy leave them alone." Her 20-year-old brother Lee the twin shamed.

"No let me talk to her too!" called her sister Ling, the other twin.

Hitomi sighed her whole family was up already probably getting ready for school or work.

"Mother this is important I do not have time for pleasantries I need to talk to you, father as well as my uncles and aunts about something important!" Hitomi demanded her voice cold.

An older Wufei appeared next to Sally he knew that tone of voice from his daughter and it was not to be taken lightly.

"Yes Hitomi go ahead." He said seriously

Hitomi closed her eyes for a moment trying to figure out a way to say this lightly but she found none.

"I need to discuss with you all about…Relena." She said in a deadpanned voice. 

TBC

Wow… um I did not expect Hitomi to have that much family, but it came out that way, yes I know Hitomi is not a Chinese name!!! And neither is Jeremy but Sally is half American so that explains Jeremy's name but as for Hitomi, it seemed to fit her character if you look up what it means in Japanese. Sad right but see the TBC it's not the end okay still a few chapters to go. CRITICIZE me!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh yeah and praise. 


	9. A Chilling Explanation

IMPORTANT NOTE: THE PRESENT EVENTS WILL NO LONGER BE BETWEEN //  

Thank you Kmf, Jupiter's light, Silver Wing, Dark Deity, Shi No Tenshi, Lady Dragon Heart, Neo Sailor Jupiter Duke Cat, Dana, Clarissa, Crazy Gurl, Kuroi Koneko,  me( ) and last but NEVER least Ley!!! Uhh no I didn't review my own fic that was an anonymous reader. Yeah uh the last chapter was um…sad really angst and dramatic. 

Chapter 9 

          By The Pretty Penwriter 

"I need to discuss with you all about…Relena." She said in a deadpanned voice. 

Hitomi let out a long and tired sigh as she sat down, she'd talk to her parents two days ago and this day was the day of truth. Her parents said they'd be able to set up a meeting today and they did, Hitomi had the responsibility of getting a few members of the meeting to the conference room and she had. Another sigh escaped her lips as she took the journal out of her pocket and looked at the worn cover, no there hadn't been any more journal entries after Lucretzia wrote about Relena's death. It seemed Lucretzia had disappeared into nowhere maybe she died or maybe she'd gone insane but there were no records found on her after the year AC 199. Hitomi knew she had done the research; her hands began shaking after she placed the journal back into her pocket. She clenched her hands into fists to quell the shaking but it didn't help her one bit. A pair of masculine hands gently placed themselves on her shoulder and she gave a sigh of relief.

"You've been sighing enough love, just calm down." The familiar male voice coaxed.

"But I can't Tristin, you know that this will be my greatest fear…I never want to make the people I love feel pain." Hitomi said softly but Tristin could tell she was near hysteria.

"You know what? You're gonna have to face your fears if you're going to go through with this Hitomi." Tristin said seriously.

"Don't you think I know that!" she snapped at him.

Tristin said nothing and began massaging her shoulders to calm her nerves.

She was about to sigh again when she remembered she how many times she had sighed.

"I'm sorry for snapping at you like that, I just can't seem to be able to do this I can't go through those doors and face them." Hitomi admitted.

Tristin stopped massaging her shoulders and moved to kneel in front of her. He looked into her almost black eyes with his own violet.

"Hitomi." He said as he gently caressed her face.

"I will be with you, I will always be with you. If you are afraid look to me and I will give you my courage and my strength just remember that I am there for you." Tristin said softly.

Hitomi almost broke into tears at that moment as she nodded her head.

"Thank you Tristin." She whispered.

"Thank me by showing me your strength go and tell them." He said earnestly.

She nodded as she stood she helped him up and they walked to the door holding hands. She looked to the door and then to him, he nodded to her; she pushed the door open and stepped into the large conference room. There was a collective turning of heads as they stepped into the room and Hitomi closed her eyes for a moment for her heart to stop beating so fast. 

"Alright Hitomi why'd you go through all this trouble to bring us here and what's this about it being about Relena?" Her aunt Dorothy Winner asked.

"You'll know as soon as the commander gets here." Hitomi replied

Most of the responses to that were indignant snorts and the crossing of arms.

"Why does _he _have to be here?" Catherine Edwards another one of Hitomi's aunts asked.

"You'll see when he gets here." Hitomi replied nonchalantly.

They all looked at Hitomi questioningly this was a girl who always displayed her emotions.

There was an opening of the inner door as a tall but aged Milliardo Peacecraft waltzed into the room, he looked a bit startled to see some familiar faces in the room.

"You're late." Colonel Une remarked from her seat in the chair at the head of the table.

Milliardo only frowned and then saluted to his superior he went to sit in the chair at the farthest end of the table while doing so he received some frosty glares.

Hitomi looked to Tristin who nodded and then she cleared her throat.

"I have called this meeting to speak with you all about something that I have recently discovered on my routine patrolling. It involves most of you I suppose in one way or another…it's about a very sensitive subject for most of you…"

"For God sakes child just spit it out." Her aunt Hilde called slightly amused.

Hitomi sighed wearily and shook her head slowly but regained her composure quickly her eyes taking on a slight bluish tint. She dug into her pocket and held up the journal for all to see.

"This journal will prove as evidence I'm sure if some of you look at it you'll recognize the handwriting. The handwriting is that of Lucretzia Noin." Hitomi stated loudly.

There was a collective gasp around the room.

She continued on, " This journal holds the information of Lucretzia's life for a few years…including the day that Relena Peacecraft died. It also includes proof that Relena Peacecraft was not murdered but that she committed suicide." Hitomi got out before Milliardo's exploding out of his seat interrupted her.

"THAT'S A LIE!" 

Hitomi felt like crawling up under a rock to hide but something suddenly filled her like some sort of presence that pushed her onward that gave her the strength to speak.

"No it isn't Milliardo in fact you're the reason why there is this god damned war in the first place." Hitomi countered her voice smooth as water.

"I ought to throw you in the brig for this in­­­–––" Colonel Une interrupted Milliardo.

"That will be enough Lieutenant Peacecraft please take your seat." She ordered softly

Milliardo glared dangerously at Hitomi before he picked back up his chair and sat down.

"Go ahead Hitomi I for one want to hear what you have to say." Colonel Une said softly and nodded in Hitomi's direction.

"Thank you Colonel." She said and began pacing her hands clasped behind her back. 

"Most of you knew Lucretzia Noin and Relena Peacecraft correct?" she asked and looked to the table most of them were nodding.

"And most of you in fact knew that Relena Peacecraft was insane. Now it was not public knowledge that she had gone to a mental asylum sent there after she attacked Lucretzia Noin at the hospital, but some of you did not know that a few days prior to the hospital incident that Relena attacked Lucretzia at a Spa resort. Which Lucretzia believed to be an attempted murder because Relena tried to push her into the lit fireplace…" This time it was her own mother who interrupted her.

"How did you know that?" Sally asked her voice shaky.

Hitomi looked to her mother and her eyes softened.

"Momma I am sorry but this must be told, I have discovered this by reading her journal." Hitomi answered her mother in a soft tone.

Sally nodded her head slowly and in doing so releasing a few tears.  

Hitomi turned away from her crying mother and continued on with her explanation.

"Now a few days after Lucretzia was hospitalized Relena was placed into the mental asylum, three months later she was released a week later Relena Peacecraft was found dead in her home office. But with Relena's body there was a suicide letter…" Again Milliardo interrupted her.

"That is a bold faced lie!" he exclaimed.

This time Hitomi's father stood angry "Milliardo my daughter does _not _lie!" Wufei seethed.

"You don't even know your own daughter." Milliardo shot back.

"Yes I do and I know you Milliardo and so far what she is saying sounds right…now sit down Milliardo I may no longer be a Gundam pilot but I am not dead." Wufei threatened his eyes narrowed to slits.

Milliardo glared back and it was a stand off.

Another force seemed to have hit Hitomi and her eyes tinted to a violet her hair lightened ever so slightly.

"Both of you sit down you're acting like children." She ordered.

That voice it was not her voice it sounded like a voice far beyond her years. The two men turned to her and saw her mouth set in a determined line and her eyes stubborn. They slowly lowered to their seats.

Hitomi acted as if it hadn't had happened and once again began pacing.

"That suicide letter was either hidden or destroyed by you Milliardo Peacecraft. Stay seated and keep your mouth shut!" she added before he had the chance to react.

"And inside this journal I found a letter that was addressed to Lucretzia from Relena and I will now read it. To my Dearest Lu,

By the time you or anyone else reads this I know that I will be gone. There are now more voices and I cannot control them any longer. I fear that by not doing anything against it that it'll kill me sooner or later. So why not sooner rather than later? Oh Lucretzia I love you and the others but this is something that I must do, I know that this is killing you and I'm sorry for it but it must be done. If it is not done than I am afraid that the world will be ruined because of me. With my body I have written a suicide note so that there will not be a war about someone killing me. I know how can I write so calmly about killing myself, to be honest I am already dead inside Lu. You all noticed it when I arrived back I was dead inside so why not kill the voices as well I only have momentary control over my body for a few minutes and then the others come. I'm sorry I know that it won't mean much but I am. I have always seen you as my older sister not only as a friend, I will be watching over you Lucretzia always. Don't be sad for wherever I am, I am happy. Your sister forever signed Relena Peacecraft." Hitomi finished and by the time she finished many were crying or were about to.

"Where's the letter Milliardo?" a cold and dead voice escaped Hitomi's lips a voice that was not hers a voice that belonged to someone long dead.

Milliardo stared wide-eyed at Hitomi he didn't know what was happening within the young woman. Inside Hitomi's mind she felt she was being pushed farther and farther away from controlling her actions and felt something else take control of her body. But the presence was also comforting her telling her that it would all soon be over. 

"I…what are you talking about?" Milliardo asked.

Hitomi slammed her hands on the table startling everyone in the room.

"Don't lie to me what did you do with it Milliardo?" Hitomi asked glaring.

Milliardo sighed and shook his head. "That is not your concern."

"So you admit that there was a letter??" Hitomi questioned an eyebrow raised.

"…" 

"I'll take your silence as a yes…I just wanted to know what happened to the letter Milliardo. I wonder if you were stupid enough to destroy it; I mean you were stupid enough to not believe Lucretzia when she told you there was something wrong with Relena so I wonder if your stupidity was repeated." Hitomi stated 

"How dare you…" he started

"No! How dare you!! Because of your stupidity I was born into war, raised with a war and am fighting in a war now. Trillions have died because of you sure the war isn't as bad as it was 10 years ago but it's still a war and people are still dying because of you." Hitomi exclaimed.

"This is insubordinate!' he exclaimed

"It won't be for long because I am going to the press with this letter and I will end this foolish war began by the king of fools." Hitomi stated

Milliardo was quick as he stood and pointed his gun at Hitomi.

"I cannot let you mar my family name." He calmly stated.

"Why after you there are no more Peacecrafts so why not let the public know?" Hitomi asked calmly.

"You don't understand we Peacecrafts have a very distinguished past and it will remain so." Milliardo explained.

Hitomi's two older siblings Lee and Ling were up and standing holding no weapons.

"I'm, sure you don't have enough bullets in that one gun to kill all of us." Lee said softly

"Maybe, maybe not." Milliardo said

The presence within Hitomi had control of her and before anyone knew what was happening Hitomi was next to Milliardo the gun now in her hand. 

"I think not Milliardo, the truth will be known." Hitomi stated.

Milliardo saw how violet her eyes were now and the brownish tint with blond highlights her hair had and he gasped. Inside Hitomi's mind the presence's violet eyes smiled at her and then vanished once again Hitomi was in control and she still had the gun. She blinked and her eyes darkened as she looked at Milliardo.

"You've ignored your responsibilities long enough." She murmured.

He looked at her and then fell to his knees and cried. 

The End

Don't go yet I still have the EPILOGUE!!! See I mean there's all that room for an Epilogue I can't possibly leave you guys hanging like that…nope that'd be cruel and unusual punishment. 


	10. Epilogue

IMPORTANT NOTE: THE PRESENT EVENTS WILL NO LONGER BE BETWEEN //  

Thank you Kmf, Icy B. Discordia, Dark Jewel, Jupiter's light, Silver Wing, Dark Deity, Shi No Tenshi, Lady Dragon Heart, Neo Sailor Jupiter, Duke Cat, Dana, Clarissa, Crazy Gurl, Kuroi Koneko,  me( ) and last but NEVER least Ley!!! Uhh no I didn't review my own fic that was an anonymous reader. The Epilogue!!!!!! 

Epilogue 

          By The Pretty Penwriter 

"A year…" Hitomi sighed as she fell against Tristin's chest. 

He kissed the top of her head, "Yes a year my love, it's been a whole year since the ending of the war…aren't you glad?" he asked her.

"I…don't know." She answered as she looked up at the sky through the branches of the oak tree.

"What do you mean?" he asked curiously.

"The cost, there was a cost for the ending of the war, how I made my family feel pain, how Milliardo lost the last thread of pride he had…I don't even know if Lucretzia is alive or not." Hitomi said with a sigh.

Tristin stayed silent and followed Hitomi's gaze through the tree branches. The couple stayed like that silent and thoughtful staring at the sapphire sky dotted with large and fluffy clouds. The squealing of a young child interrupted their reverie and they watched as Isis, Tristin's little sister came running full speed away from Brad, Faye's younger brother who was armed with a water gun.

The scene brought warmth to Hitomi's heart as she watched the two children untouched by the war. Running behind the two children waving frantically was Midii, Brad's mother, another one of Hitomi's 'aunts'.

"No Brad don't…that's her new dress!" Midii called but the children paid no heed.

Hilde another one of Hitomi's 'aunts' Tristin's mother was pointing and laughing at the three.

"I told you they wouldn't listen!" she called after them.

But all three of them paid no heed, Hitomi's eyes moved to where her family was seated all of them, and all of them she loved dearly. She smirked when she saw her father practically glaring daggers at her and Tristin, her mother ever so often elbowing him to leave the two alone. Her brother now a teenager, a moody depressed teenager as he called himself was seated a distance from the family beneath an elm tree reading a book and listening to his Walkman. Hitomi's two elder siblings Lee and Ling were perched high above the trees talking and pointing to William below their eyes gleaming with mischief.  She knew they were probably about to do something cruel and unusual to William but in a way he deserved it.  Ariel one of Hitomi's best friends and Will's little sister had her head perched precariously on George's shoulder reading the book he was now engrossed in. George's past was a peculiar one to Hitomi; all she knew was that her 'uncle' Heero had adopted him a few years after Relena's death. There was still curiosity pawing at Hitomi about him but there was no curiosity about how Ariel felt about him. The poor girl was hopelessly in love with the silent but emotional teen who may or may not have the same feelings for her but that was up to fate. Faye Midii's oldest daughter was over by the lake flirting with an older looking man who was in nothing but shorts.

Suspiciously holding a pitcher of water was Heero who held a certain look in his eyes that told you trouble was coming and trouble fell, that is the water pitcher tipped and spilled all over Duo Maxwell. Duo let out a yelp of surprise as Heero fell back laughing and pointing at his best friend. Maybe it was payback for a prank Duo had previously played on Heero; Hitomi didn't know she'd lost count of how many pranks the two had played over the years. A dispute seemed to have broken out between Samantha Duo's second oldest daughter and Cassie Catherine's youngest. By the looks of it a brawl was about to break out and so the two peacemakers Quatre and Trowa decided to settle the dispute; although this was a dispute that never seemed to end. Her 'aunt' Catherine and 'aunt' Dorothy were talking to Joseph, Catherine's oldest and by the looks of their pointing to a young woman who was ever so often glancing at him, they were trying to get him to talk to her. Joseph turned to look to his father for a little help but his father Dan was whistling and looking around ignoring his sons' pleas. 

Hitomi smiled broadly as she looked at all of them and her heart soared, this was what it was supposed to be like from the beginning. Her family was like a puzzle neither shape the same but they came together to make a picture, she felt in her heart that one piece was missing. She then spotted the figure hiding in the shadows, she knew her family knew he was there but they were politely ignoring him the alternative was that weapons would be drawn. She stood up and the silver locket thumped lightly against her chest, Tristin looked up at her quizzically.

"I think your friend Joe needs help." Hitomi said as she pointed towards the teen cornered by the two women.

Tristin laughed and stood as well he pecked Hitomi on the cheek and jogged over to his friend. Hitomi clutched the locket lightly she had found it in Lucretzia's journal it was taped to the back cover she didn't know why she wore it but something told her she had to. She released the locket and ran over to her purse and with every step she took the locket thumped quicker against her chest. She pulled out the worn journal and then ran over to the figure and hugged him, he was startled as well as surprised but he stiffly returned the gesture. 

"I suspected that you haven't been hugged in a while Milliardo." She said with a smile.

"How can you speak to me…I thought everyone hated me." He said his eyes watery.

"Everyone is angry with you Milliardo at least my family is…I don't know about the people who lost someone during this war. But I am a firm believer that people should be forgiven. Over time their anger will lessen and people's hearts will mend." Hitomi explained and smiled again.

"You're so much like Relena was when she was young." Milliardo said and smiled back at her.

"Thank you and here I'm sure Lucretzia would've wanted you to have this." Hitomi said as she handed the journal to Milliardo.

The locket began to hum a tune, a light tune that only Hitomi could hear and the same presence that had entered her before returned; apparently it wasn't free to leave this plane. Hitomi smiled at Milliardo and turned and walked away from the picnic area, away from the park. She slowly broke into a jog and then to a run the locket beating against her chest as wildly as her heart was beating. The music hummed louder in her ears, as she got closer to wherever she was going.  She finally stopped when she arrived to the front of a bus terminal. She felt herself reaching into her pocket and paying the fare she stepped onto the bus and took the empty seat. After the bus made several stops she climbed down the stairs and looked around, the tune was unbearable now and Hitomi felt like screaming but she constrained herself, she didn't think scaring the people would help any. She saw stairs to her left and she was forced to move up them quickly as if she were in a rush to get somewhere before it was too late. She began taking the stairs two at a time and the music grew louder in her ears as well as the beating of her heart. 

She finally reached the top of the stairs to the lookout there was no one else up here except herself and a woman. The woman was silently looking at the valley's lush green forests, a part of the forest had small little saplings just growing near a fallen and destroyed mobile suit. This was a sacred ground just another place for mourning of the soldiers lost to the war. As suddenly as the music had begun it stopped and Hitomi's heart calmed. The wind blew and the locket around Hitomi's neck moved slightly making a clink sound. The woman didn't seem to notice as the wind blew again gently swaying her black hair streaked with gray. Hitomi's feet moved slowly as she approached the woman she stood next to her and looked over the guardrail.

"Nice locket." The woman mentioned light humor in her voice.

Hitomi didn't respond but only smiled slowly,

"You have a way of disappearing." Hitomi said after a moment of silence.

"Ah, but I have a very bad past one that wouldn't want me alive." She responded.

"But there are so many that miss you, and I'm not going back there without you." Hitomi said back.

There was a long silence between the two.

"It's now AC 229, so the war's over eh?" she asked 

"Yes it is, and your voice has been heard." Hitomi informed.

The woman turned to her and looked at Hitomi with her inky blue eyes, her face looked as if it hadn't changed a bit from Hitomi's parent's wedding photo.

"Maybe my past won't kill me after all."  The woman said.

Hitomi unclasped the locket and handed it to the woman.

"No it won't but you shouldn't forget it." Hitomi responded.

The woman clasped the locket around her own neck, turned and went down the stairs. Hitomi stared after her.

"Hey are we going back or what?" She called back to Hitomi.

"Gladly." Hitomi said as she felt the presence finally leave her body and this worldly plane. _Goodbye…Relena. _Hitomi thought as she ran down the stairs after the once missing puzzle piece. 

I hope that you all didn't consider me getting this story out late…I was going to post it yesterday but I had some home improvement projects to work on with my dad my brothers are lazy and clumsy -_-. Yeah some more stings in there but that leaves room for a sequel if I decide to write one. Hey I couldn't ask for 50 reviews maybe could you possibly????? Oh okay. Well I have a few writing projects going on and you all can vote on which I should post the choices are: 1"Now I lay me down to sleep."  2 "Shadow in the Sky." And 3 "Shadows of the past." Yeah shadows on the brain maybe -_-. Well I assure you that all of the plots are original…my parents always said I was an odd child. 


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